My dad observed the other day that Audi should allow me use of their logo as a symbol of my life. I am a four-ring circus. My life is not a TLC show. I have Quads+ mom friends whose lives are, and they ROCK it, but that's not me. Right now I'm sporting a greasy minuscule ponytail (I'm a recovering pixie mommy) with matching clumped bangs. My attire consists of a black Old Navy tank that is at least a decade old, no bra (that's right, I said it), and pink "Noel" PJ bottoms. Nope, I'm not dressed and it's past 12:00. Make-up rarely touches my face. I just swallowed my last stone-cold mouthful of my second cup of coffee. I'm able to write because my kids are napping and I have an eagle eye on the monitor sitting by my right elbow.
All of that said, I love my life. It's messy. It's hard. It's sometimes very isolating. BUT my kids are AMAZING and I am doing what I've always wanted to do, raise a family. Donny is an incredible husband and dad. He goes to work every day without complaint. He comes home, gets on the floor and wrestles kids, and then is my therapist to keep me sane (especially during cold/flu/RSV season lock down when the walls start closing in).
Quad Mom life is a series of tasks that must be seen to quickly and efficiently and will most definitely have to be repeated at least once throughout the day. It doesn't matter how fast you changed all four diapers, you will be doing it again shortly. You just pray it's not a blow-out. And they always seem to be eating. I find myself scrambling for a meal plan 30 minutes before lunch and dinner daily. Breakfast is milk and cereal, always milk and cereal. At least that one is simple. Each day is a cycle of diapers, eat, play, diapers, eat, nap, diapers, play, eat, diapers, play, diapers, bed (you can sprinkle in more diapers in there for good measure). When they nap, I clean up the Hurricane Mottlets aftermath and sweep with the full knowledge that the very same hurricane will descend again and undo what I just accomplished.
I try to get the kids outside at least a few times a week and that means a walk. I pull out our Runabout (my in-line quad stroller), load up the circus, and take them one the road (well, sidewalk). I love taking them for walks. They look back and forth, wave at traffic, and even chatter some. I gulp in the fresh oxygen and enjoy the looks we get from the passing motorists, ranging from disbelief to glee at the sight of my crew. Yesterday a passing walker exclaimed, "Lordy! you have a train!"
Each day presents new challenges and joys as my Mottlets approach two. We are actually able to communicate now which helps tremendously and they are starting to show interest in being helpers. They "help" me unload the dishwasher in the morning. Sometimes I can coax them into returning a few toys to the correct bins. The strong opinions and personalities are also emerging, resulting in the use of one of our pack-n-plays as a time out (or penalty box as Donny calls it) and more pops on the tail. The best part is the voluntary affection I now receive; little leg hugs, neck squeezes complete with a delighted squeal,"dee doo" (thank you) and "la lu la" (I love you) make my heart swell. I mean, how many people can say their day begins with four high-fives around the breakfast table?
I am blessed. I am tired. I am so incredibly grateful. I am SOOOO busy. And now I need a shower.
Wednesday, February 15, 2017
Thursday, April 30, 2015
Magnesuim, Steroids, and Contractions! Oh My!
Today I am fairly awake and had better chronicle the past few days before they completely blur in my memory. Monday evening i began contracting again, like I'd been when I was admitted to the hospital. When she arrived for rounds Tuesday morning. Dr. Straughn checked my cervix and I was 75% effaced and dilated to 3 cm. That was not what I wanted to hear! I was again connected to an IV, this time to receive an infusion of magnesium sulfate (or mag as the nurses call it). Mag used to be used to stop preterm labor. More recent research has shown that while it can slow labor it has the added benefit of protecting the neurological development of the babies in utero.
I'd been warned about magnesium sulfate. Many moms-to-be on my Success with IUI support group on Facebook have bemoaned the side effects of the treatment, so I thought I was prepared....HA HA! As Vanessa, my nurse, connected the first mag bag she cautioned that the bolus during the first 30 minutes was the worst. She would stay with me for that bolus. That should have set off alarm bells. As the mag began working its way through my veins, I started to feel it, the heat. It began in my chest, building and spreading outward. Soon I began to feel that if I took a deep breathe and blew I could blow fire like a dragon. The heat continued to creep outward, saturating my torso, engulfing my arms, and rising up my neck to my face.
At that point it was all I could do to just lay there and breathe. Mom sat at my feet rubbing my legs. "You may just need to close your eyes and ride it out," Vanessa suggested, so I did. I though the nose, out through the mouth, in through the nose, out through the mouth. A fan was clipped to the bed rail blowing on my face, but I barely noticed. You know on sci-fy movies how a character is hit by a heat weapon and begins to glow? Then you can see is intensify from the core, glowing white, their skin splits open, spontaneous combustion consumes them and all that's left is a little ash pile. I felt like I was heading the way of that poor soul.
Then it came, the straw that broke the camel's back. Another nurse arrive announcing, "I have your steroid shot. Did they tell you we were going to do anther round of steroids?" Now, up to this point I had not cried. At all. no tears in front of the nurses the past two weeks. Wellllll, that announcement did it. I didn't go completely to pieces, but tears did fall. I've gotten better about shots, but between the new IV port that morning, burning up from mag, anxiety, and now the prospect of another uncomfortable shot while still under the mag I cracked. also, Mom was there. You know that feeling. You've choked back your tears and then you see her, Mom, and the dam breaks.
When the bolus bag drained a second on was hung on a much slower drip. the heat began to subside - all but that heat in my chest that made me feel like Smaug the dragon. I stayed on the mag drip, blood pressure monitor, oxygen monitor, and contraction monitor until late that night. The mag made me groggy the whole time, not able to sleep, but not really there. The steriod shot kept me awake all night and my contractions became more intense and distinct. I prayed through the night and was blessed with a feeling of peace. God had this planned None of it was a surprise and he could handle it.
Dr. Straughn checked me again Wednesday morning and I was still holding at 3 cm dilated. She told Donny he would be safe to go to work that day (he'd stayed with me all day Tuesday) and I promised to update him continually. I continued to contract until I got my shower. NEVER take a shower for granted. My every-other-day shower makes me feel human again. it also makes me take a long nap afterward! The contractions pretty much stopped. How nice to have a break! I still was not sure we were out of danger yet, but I felt better. The second steriod shot was administered that afternoon and that one was BAD! There were teeth to that medicine. It burned for several minutes after the nurse left. The rest of the day was uneventful. I was tired, but not contracting.
Early this morning (yep we are caught up now) I asked the nurse to reattach the contraction monitor because I was contracting and cramping, but when she went over the data at 6 there was nothing too cause alarm. I think I'm just going to be jumpy from here on out. Dr. Straughn was pleased with how things are going and even said that when she ran into Dr. Gonzales he told her that he was confident I could carry these babies to 28 weeks. So now I continue to take things a day at a time. The babies are super stars. Every ultrasound shows them growing, active, and with fantastic heart rates. Please pray that my body can hold out for these four precious babies to grow and develop!
I'd been warned about magnesium sulfate. Many moms-to-be on my Success with IUI support group on Facebook have bemoaned the side effects of the treatment, so I thought I was prepared....HA HA! As Vanessa, my nurse, connected the first mag bag she cautioned that the bolus during the first 30 minutes was the worst. She would stay with me for that bolus. That should have set off alarm bells. As the mag began working its way through my veins, I started to feel it, the heat. It began in my chest, building and spreading outward. Soon I began to feel that if I took a deep breathe and blew I could blow fire like a dragon. The heat continued to creep outward, saturating my torso, engulfing my arms, and rising up my neck to my face.
At that point it was all I could do to just lay there and breathe. Mom sat at my feet rubbing my legs. "You may just need to close your eyes and ride it out," Vanessa suggested, so I did. I though the nose, out through the mouth, in through the nose, out through the mouth. A fan was clipped to the bed rail blowing on my face, but I barely noticed. You know on sci-fy movies how a character is hit by a heat weapon and begins to glow? Then you can see is intensify from the core, glowing white, their skin splits open, spontaneous combustion consumes them and all that's left is a little ash pile. I felt like I was heading the way of that poor soul.
Then it came, the straw that broke the camel's back. Another nurse arrive announcing, "I have your steroid shot. Did they tell you we were going to do anther round of steroids?" Now, up to this point I had not cried. At all. no tears in front of the nurses the past two weeks. Wellllll, that announcement did it. I didn't go completely to pieces, but tears did fall. I've gotten better about shots, but between the new IV port that morning, burning up from mag, anxiety, and now the prospect of another uncomfortable shot while still under the mag I cracked. also, Mom was there. You know that feeling. You've choked back your tears and then you see her, Mom, and the dam breaks.
When the bolus bag drained a second on was hung on a much slower drip. the heat began to subside - all but that heat in my chest that made me feel like Smaug the dragon. I stayed on the mag drip, blood pressure monitor, oxygen monitor, and contraction monitor until late that night. The mag made me groggy the whole time, not able to sleep, but not really there. The steriod shot kept me awake all night and my contractions became more intense and distinct. I prayed through the night and was blessed with a feeling of peace. God had this planned None of it was a surprise and he could handle it.
Dr. Straughn checked me again Wednesday morning and I was still holding at 3 cm dilated. She told Donny he would be safe to go to work that day (he'd stayed with me all day Tuesday) and I promised to update him continually. I continued to contract until I got my shower. NEVER take a shower for granted. My every-other-day shower makes me feel human again. it also makes me take a long nap afterward! The contractions pretty much stopped. How nice to have a break! I still was not sure we were out of danger yet, but I felt better. The second steriod shot was administered that afternoon and that one was BAD! There were teeth to that medicine. It burned for several minutes after the nurse left. The rest of the day was uneventful. I was tired, but not contracting.
Early this morning (yep we are caught up now) I asked the nurse to reattach the contraction monitor because I was contracting and cramping, but when she went over the data at 6 there was nothing too cause alarm. I think I'm just going to be jumpy from here on out. Dr. Straughn was pleased with how things are going and even said that when she ran into Dr. Gonzales he told her that he was confident I could carry these babies to 28 weeks. So now I continue to take things a day at a time. The babies are super stars. Every ultrasound shows them growing, active, and with fantastic heart rates. Please pray that my body can hold out for these four precious babies to grow and develop!
Thursday, April 23, 2015
So I'm Too Sweet?
Now that I am beginning my fourth week of bed rest (two at home and one full week at the hospital) I have more time to write. Two blog entries in one week! On Tuesday I had my one hour glucose resistance test. They drew blood early in the morning, had me chug a clear sickly-sweet 10 ounces of liquid than contained a grand total of 50 grams of glucose, then an hour later drew blood again. I wasn't really worried about this test. So far I've tracked like my Mom's pregnancies (other than carrying four of course) with no stretch marks, moderate nausea in the first trimester. Mom didn't have gestational diabetes with either Faith or me, so it came as a bit of a shock when I was informed that I failed the one hour test.
When you fail the one hour test, they then do a three hour glucose tolerance test. This is a misnomer. It's more like the "how much can you tolerate test". You see, I inherited great things from my parents - my build, my stretch-mark-free skin, my creativity - but I also got high blood pressure and horrible acid reflux. Those issues predate the quad pregnancy, but as you can imagine they have intensified through the past months. Thankfully the BP issues aren't too bad, but the reflux...ooooh the reflux. At home I was on prilosec and still woke up multiple times at night to pop tums once my babies began taking up belly space. At the hospital they have me on protonics (they reduce acid like prilosec) morning and evening as well as pepcid with meals. I still wake up tasting bile and feeling like my esophagus is burning off of my stomach so I pop some more tums. If it was a really bad night of reflux, during the day my esophagus will spasm making my chest ache all the way through to my back. That's the background you need to understand why the three hour test became a all night and all morning ordeal.
To complete the three hour test, you are not allowed anything by mouth from midnight until 6:00. PROBLEM! No tums or water at night. Meaning sleep deprivation and suffering the bonfire in my chest all night.
You take a fasting blood draw at 6:00, chug two of those nasty sugary drinks, and wait an hour. PROBLEM!!! I need to eat.
Draw blood again, wait another hour.
PROBLEM!!!!! now I'm starving and my esophagus will never be the same again.
Draw blood again, wait another hour.
HUGE PROBLEM!!!!! You realize I will have either starved by this point or spontaneously combusted from the raging inferno in my throat right?
Draw a last blood sample.
My survival strategy was to eat up until midnight and stay on tums up until midnight too. Then I would keep my bed at a 45 degree angle all night to help keep the reflux from working it's way up to my throat. Survive the blood draws and hunger, then eat like a wild animal afterward. It should work. Ha! First keep in mind that if I have a choice 9:00 pm is bed time. So once midnight hit I was exhausted. I'm not supposed to sleep on my back because it can limit blood flow to the babies. Have you tried to get your spine to adapt to a 45 degree angle sleeping position on your side? It was miserable. Add to that the reflux which kicked in around 1:00 and attempted to incinerate my insides. So pretty much no sleep. By morning I was just ready to get it finished. I could barely think straight, Donny had to leave for work and Mom wouldn't be here until after the traffic dies down. I turned on the TV and just survived by blankly staring at the screen for those wait times. Dr. Straughn had pity on me and said that if I failed the first two after drinking the glucose drink, she wouldn't have them do the last blood draw. If you fail two draws, you fail the test anyway. I still didn't think I was going to fail though.
I was wrong. When my nurse, Amanda arrived for what would have been the last draw she delivered the news... I FAILED! Gestational diabetes can now be added to the long list of things I never expected would happen once I was finally able to get pregnant. I was really bummed. Thankfully, even though I keep having issues, the babies once again received an A+ from their ultrasound. They really are troopers.
So now I'm on a nutritionist controlled diabetic diet. We are trying to see how just the meal changes effect my blood sugar readings first. Then they may add insulin. I have my blood sugar checked first thing in the morning and two hours after every meal. This is the first day of the change in my diet, so we'll just see what happens! Please keep lifting up the babies, Donny, our families, and me. I am thankful for each and every one of you.
When you fail the one hour test, they then do a three hour glucose tolerance test. This is a misnomer. It's more like the "how much can you tolerate test". You see, I inherited great things from my parents - my build, my stretch-mark-free skin, my creativity - but I also got high blood pressure and horrible acid reflux. Those issues predate the quad pregnancy, but as you can imagine they have intensified through the past months. Thankfully the BP issues aren't too bad, but the reflux...ooooh the reflux. At home I was on prilosec and still woke up multiple times at night to pop tums once my babies began taking up belly space. At the hospital they have me on protonics (they reduce acid like prilosec) morning and evening as well as pepcid with meals. I still wake up tasting bile and feeling like my esophagus is burning off of my stomach so I pop some more tums. If it was a really bad night of reflux, during the day my esophagus will spasm making my chest ache all the way through to my back. That's the background you need to understand why the three hour test became a all night and all morning ordeal.
To complete the three hour test, you are not allowed anything by mouth from midnight until 6:00. PROBLEM! No tums or water at night. Meaning sleep deprivation and suffering the bonfire in my chest all night.
You take a fasting blood draw at 6:00, chug two of those nasty sugary drinks, and wait an hour. PROBLEM!!! I need to eat.
Draw blood again, wait another hour.
PROBLEM!!!!! now I'm starving and my esophagus will never be the same again.
Draw blood again, wait another hour.
HUGE PROBLEM!!!!! You realize I will have either starved by this point or spontaneously combusted from the raging inferno in my throat right?
Draw a last blood sample.
My survival strategy was to eat up until midnight and stay on tums up until midnight too. Then I would keep my bed at a 45 degree angle all night to help keep the reflux from working it's way up to my throat. Survive the blood draws and hunger, then eat like a wild animal afterward. It should work. Ha! First keep in mind that if I have a choice 9:00 pm is bed time. So once midnight hit I was exhausted. I'm not supposed to sleep on my back because it can limit blood flow to the babies. Have you tried to get your spine to adapt to a 45 degree angle sleeping position on your side? It was miserable. Add to that the reflux which kicked in around 1:00 and attempted to incinerate my insides. So pretty much no sleep. By morning I was just ready to get it finished. I could barely think straight, Donny had to leave for work and Mom wouldn't be here until after the traffic dies down. I turned on the TV and just survived by blankly staring at the screen for those wait times. Dr. Straughn had pity on me and said that if I failed the first two after drinking the glucose drink, she wouldn't have them do the last blood draw. If you fail two draws, you fail the test anyway. I still didn't think I was going to fail though.
I was wrong. When my nurse, Amanda arrived for what would have been the last draw she delivered the news... I FAILED! Gestational diabetes can now be added to the long list of things I never expected would happen once I was finally able to get pregnant. I was really bummed. Thankfully, even though I keep having issues, the babies once again received an A+ from their ultrasound. They really are troopers.
So now I'm on a nutritionist controlled diabetic diet. We are trying to see how just the meal changes effect my blood sugar readings first. Then they may add insulin. I have my blood sugar checked first thing in the morning and two hours after every meal. This is the first day of the change in my diet, so we'll just see what happens! Please keep lifting up the babies, Donny, our families, and me. I am thankful for each and every one of you.
Monday, April 20, 2015
What a week!
Oh my! I don't even know where to begin. This week has been one of the most intense in my pregnancy. It has been full of firsts, set backs, and scary situations. On Wednesday we had our follow up appointment with Dr. Gonzales. We began, a usual, with an ultrasound to check the little ones heart rates and fluid levels. They got high praise and we were feeling pretty good until they checked my cervix. I'd gone down again, to a scary .43 cm cervical length. Less than half a centimeter! Dr. Gonzales came in and informed me that we would go ahead and do the first steroid shot to help develop the babies' lungs then I would return the following day for the second shot and a fetal fibronectin test.
That night I slept maybe two hours. I could not shut down and sleep! I did a lot of praying and thinking. I mulled over the news we'd gotten. My back started aching and my Braxton hicks contractions escalated. By morning I was a nervous wreck. Donny left for work and I tried to rest, but I couldn't shake the feeling that those backache pains and that frequent tightness in my belly were not good. I even thought I felt a tiny fluid trickle. I called my OB nurse several times until right at 8:30 (when the office actually opens- I told you I was a nervous wreck) I was able to leave a message. I called Mom and ended up bawling on the phone to her. I called Donny and asked
to come home. The OB nurse returned my call at that point. She had worked it out for me to come straight in to Dr. Gonzales' office.
When Donny got home, I threw on a dress and shoes, grabbed my purse, and waddled to the car. We rode in tense, mostly silence to the hospital. I imagine all the scary scenarios that were whirling around my mind were tormenting Donny too. We pulled into the valet parking and an attendant helped wheel me to the doctor's office. They found me an empty exam room to lie down in until an ultrasound room became available. Ginger, Dr. Gonzales' nurse practitioner came in and listed to my symptoms, she said that we would go ahead with the fetal fibronectin test and give the second steroid shot, then I would be admitted to the hospital.
A fetal fibronectin test is a swab test of the cervical fluid looking for a substance that can be found before labor. That substance, fetal fibronectin, is like a glue that connects the amniotic sack to the uterus. It is present in cervical fluid early in pregnancy and then again late in pregnancy before delivery. If the test is negative then the pregnancy will last a while longer. If it is positive 2/3 deliver in the next couple of weeks, 1/3 deliver later. A negative test is actually more telling than a positive test.
We got into an ultrasound room and checked the babies -great as usual. Then I got in the stirrups and the did the swab (I HATE SPECULUMS). Finally, I got the second steroid shot. After that I was loaded into a wheelchair no wheeled to my new temporary home on the sixth floor in High Risk OB. In the room I donned a lovely hospital gown (read this dripping with sarcasm), had a contraction monitor strapped around my big belly, and added a pair of blue compression stockings. I was given pills(I don't remember what they were called) to relax my uterus and hooked up to IV fluids.
Every nurse we interacted with was wonderful. They did everything possible to make us feel at home and supported. The fluids made me balloon up, have trouble breathing, and made my heart work even harder to move the already high volume of blood around my body. My back and stomach muscles ached. Getting up to go to the bathroom was an ordeal of unplugging the IV pole, disconnecting the contractions monitor cord, and detaching the air hoses to the compression stockings. I had to have Donny steady me and manage the IV pole as I walked.
Needless to say we didn't sleep well that night. Every time I had to go to the bathroom I had to wake Donny. My monitors beeped for paper refills, the stockings alarmed if we didn't reconnect quickly enough, and when the IV bag ran low it dinged too. Dr. Routman, another OB from Dr. Straughn's practice, stopped by the next morning and informed us that our fetal fibronectin test had come back positive. Not exactly what we wanted to hear, especially since Dr. Dr. Straughn was out of town until Monday. Dr. Gonzales came to check on the babies with a portable ultrasound. They scored their usual A+ from him, then he turned his attention to me, asking questions about my treatment so far. He frowned at the fluid bag on the IV pole, "why is she getting fluids?" The nurse explained that it was to make sure I didn't dehydrate and I added that I'd had three bags of fluids. "No, no, no." He said as he shook his head, "she is already having to deal with extra blood volume from the babies. She is pumping extra blood. Take her off the fluids, they are making her heart work too hard!"
Well, over the next couple couple of days as my body got rid of the extra fluid in my started to feel much better. My contraction monitor came off. I was allowed to take a shower (with help). The IV port came out. I am still getting daily ultrasounds (Dr. Gonzales even made special trips in over the weekend to check the babies). I'm feeling pretty good, eating like a pig, and sleeping a lot. This room will be my new residence until the babies arrive, but I just feel blessed to be surrounded with such an amazing support team, all rooting for healthy babies. Thank you for your prayers, messages, meals, and support! Let's help these Mottlets grow and stay put for several more weeks!
Monday, April 13, 2015
Viability!!!!
Today we reached a huge benchmark, I am 24 weeks along now. This has been a much anticipated day because 24 weeks is considered viability. That means if the Mottlets decided to make their grand entrance they would have a chance of survival. It's not the best odds, 50-70%, but it is better than before. They would not have survived if they were delivered earlier. Now I am able to start letting myself get excited about these babies.
I am still on bed rest, but thankfully my last appointment with Dr. Gonzales showed that my cervix had thickened back up. You could see some funneling still and it even shifted back and forth some as we watched on the ultrasound monitor. Even with those shifts, Dr. Gonzales said what I was doing was working and to keep it up. In other words, NO HOSPITAL ADMISSION! I got to go back home on bed rest. That was a huge relief. After spending an entire morning at Brookwood between my two appointments, I developed a new appreciation for bed rest. I was exhausted and hurting! My poor hips, back, and giant belly were begging to just lie down.
My day now look something like this:
-wake up with Donny and eat first breakfast (usually oatmeal Donny heats up for me), check email and Facebook
-go back to sleep
-wake back up and eat second breakfast (stuff from the mini fridge parked by my bed), do my quiet time, then read/watch tv/listen to podcasts/crochet until lunch
-My AMAZING in laws arrive and either deliver lunch from a restaurant or reheat yummy leftovers, eat until I'm stuffed
-let food settle and start getting sleepy again,
-sleep again
-wake up and eat a snack while waiting for Donny to come home
-Hang out with Donny until supper is delivered by a friend on our TakeThemAMeal.com sign up around 5
-visit with the wonderful friend who delivered supper
-eat until I'm stuffed again
- watch tv with Donny
- settle in for bed
It's a lot like a newborn's schedule! Eat, sleep, eat, sleep. But honestly it's not bad. Lying down gives me more time to enjoy the babies movements. They are getting strong! No more flutters, just hard thumps. This past weekend my sister, Faith came and hung out in bed with me. It was so wonderful to have that time with her. She lay beside me and kept her hand on my belly as we talked. Her patience was rewarded with some nice strong kicks from Dorothy and Georgie. In fact, Georgie is moving more than ever now that her brother and sisters are not always piled on top of her.
The babies' favorite time to have a dance party is when I'm setting in for a serious nap or bedtime at the end of the day. As soon as I really relax and start breathing deeply (or as deeply as possible when four babies are displacing all my organs) they all start moving. It starts with one, but quickly escalates to and all out disco with four little dancers "moving and grooving" (as our ultrasound tech likes to say). Donny felt some of that little dance party last night.
So now our new goal is 28 weeks. That is another month in bed, which seems pretty daunting, but the odds of survival jump to 92%! That's a huge improvement from 50-70%.
I am still on bed rest, but thankfully my last appointment with Dr. Gonzales showed that my cervix had thickened back up. You could see some funneling still and it even shifted back and forth some as we watched on the ultrasound monitor. Even with those shifts, Dr. Gonzales said what I was doing was working and to keep it up. In other words, NO HOSPITAL ADMISSION! I got to go back home on bed rest. That was a huge relief. After spending an entire morning at Brookwood between my two appointments, I developed a new appreciation for bed rest. I was exhausted and hurting! My poor hips, back, and giant belly were begging to just lie down.
My day now look something like this:
-wake up with Donny and eat first breakfast (usually oatmeal Donny heats up for me), check email and Facebook
-go back to sleep
-wake back up and eat second breakfast (stuff from the mini fridge parked by my bed), do my quiet time, then read/watch tv/listen to podcasts/crochet until lunch
-My AMAZING in laws arrive and either deliver lunch from a restaurant or reheat yummy leftovers, eat until I'm stuffed
-let food settle and start getting sleepy again,
-sleep again
-wake up and eat a snack while waiting for Donny to come home
-Hang out with Donny until supper is delivered by a friend on our TakeThemAMeal.com sign up around 5
-visit with the wonderful friend who delivered supper
-eat until I'm stuffed again
- watch tv with Donny
- settle in for bed
It's a lot like a newborn's schedule! Eat, sleep, eat, sleep. But honestly it's not bad. Lying down gives me more time to enjoy the babies movements. They are getting strong! No more flutters, just hard thumps. This past weekend my sister, Faith came and hung out in bed with me. It was so wonderful to have that time with her. She lay beside me and kept her hand on my belly as we talked. Her patience was rewarded with some nice strong kicks from Dorothy and Georgie. In fact, Georgie is moving more than ever now that her brother and sisters are not always piled on top of her.
The babies' favorite time to have a dance party is when I'm setting in for a serious nap or bedtime at the end of the day. As soon as I really relax and start breathing deeply (or as deeply as possible when four babies are displacing all my organs) they all start moving. It starts with one, but quickly escalates to and all out disco with four little dancers "moving and grooving" (as our ultrasound tech likes to say). Donny felt some of that little dance party last night.
So now our new goal is 28 weeks. That is another month in bed, which seems pretty daunting, but the odds of survival jump to 92%! That's a huge improvement from 50-70%.
Friday, April 3, 2015
The good and the bad news
Good morning! It's Good Friday, a day to focus on our blessings and the amazing gift Jesus gave us by dying on the cross for our sins. When I think of that it begins a much needed attitude adjustment. Huge changes hace happened this week that I'm only just beginning to process. A week ago I reached a huge milestone in my life, after ten years of teaching I spent my last day in the classroom. Wow! I'm not sure that has even sunk in yet. This week is spring break and I had a long list of things I wanted to get accomplished before I started really resting. Monday I prepared for our H&R Block appointment and paid bills - I did manage to do all that in bed. Tuesday and Wednesday my incredible Mom helped me go through my classroom, sorting books and pulling my personal supplies out of the classroom closet. We for most of it home and piled high in my dining room. I say "we", all mom would let me do was sit and sort books. I lifted nothing. The plan was for Donny and I to go back Saturday and get the rest. Plans, ha, how things change.
Thursday was booked too. 1:00 anatomy scan appointment (four hour long appointment) and 6:00 breast feeding class. Mom was so excited to see her grand babies for the first time! They began with Georgie. She is WAY down at the bottom of the pile. That made it hard to get clear images because her sisters and brother were casting shadows on her. How interesting is that? I had no idea that you could get shadows on an ultrasound, but just like light waves are blocked by objects sound waves can also be blocked by a dense enough object. Georgie was a bit difficult to scan because of that, but eventually the tech was able to get in all the parts. There was quite a list of anatomy parts to scan: tibia and fibula on both legs, femur on both legs, both feet, spine (both as a long shot and in slice sections), skull circumference, belly circumference, fall bladder, kidneys, bladder, stomach, brain (all sections), heart (multiple parts like the aortic arch, all four chambers, all four valves), palette.
We listened to her heart beat and each of the valves in her heart. I learned that every valve sounds different and creates a different wave pattern. The computer composites the femur length, belly circumference, and head circumference to then make a prediction of the baby's weight. Georgie was one pound two ounces! That put her in the 75th percentile! What a tough little girl! The pregnancy app on my phone says at 23 weeks they are almost a pound. The scan was at 22 weeks and 3 days. We are ahead of the curve!
The scan continued with Dorothy, who was very cooperative and much easier because she is up on my right with no one to block her. The tech said scanning her was textbook. Once the computer did its magic we had a prediction on one pound for Dorothy. Yay! I took a quick bathroom break at that point just to walk a little since I'd been flat on my back for just over an hour. We quickly learned that we'd done the two easier babies. Merril and Molly are on my left side, Molly above and Merril below. They are the little jumping beans. It is really hard to focus the ultrasound on a tiny heart valve to listen in when your subject keeps wiggling away. The tiniest move turns the steady whoosh, whoosh sound into a garble then nothing. Merril weighed in at a pound and little mover Molly was the smallest at 15 ounces. She's burning it off squirming and kicking!
So, that was the fun part. The babies were scanned by 3:40. All that remained was the cervix measurement. I took another bathroom break and assumed the position in the stirrups. I knew as soon as the image appeared that there was some change. Georgie's head was smack up against my cervix, but that wasn't my concern. What had one just looked like a tight line now had a "v" shaped space facing toward the uterus. The tech got quiet as she wrapped up making the measurement and went to get the nurse practitioner. We waited a while, then when Ginger, the nurse practitioner arrived, she told us that my cervix should be measuring 2-3 centimeters, but had narrowed to 1.3 centimeters. That meant bed rest. Not just "house arrest" but stay-in-in-bed-except-to-go-to-the-bathroom bed rest. That was a bomb shell. I had not expected bed rest so soon.it was one of the nebulous, one day I may....ideas. I asked about the breast feeding class and Ginger said there would be plenty of people to help me when it was time for that, to go home.
The appointment ended with Donny being instructed to go get the car and me being loaded into a wheelchair to ride down to be picked up. I'll go back next Wednesday to check my cervix and see if I can continue resting at home or will need to be admitted to the hospital. I will start taking progesterone tonight to try and keep my cervix tight and at 24 weeks will get steroids shots to help the babies lungs mature more quickly.
So today I am in bed. Donny set me up with everything I need in arms length reach and now I wait. That's where the need for the attitude adjustment comes in. It is so weird to HAVE to stay reclined in bed. No wiggle room for clearing out the dishwasher or folding clothes. No going to the grocery store. Just laying, waiting, resting. But I am blessed beyond measure! The babies are growing, I have family and friends rallying around to help out. My doctors are amazing. Please just join me in praying that the babies will keep growing and stay put for a long time yet!
Thursday was booked too. 1:00 anatomy scan appointment (four hour long appointment) and 6:00 breast feeding class. Mom was so excited to see her grand babies for the first time! They began with Georgie. She is WAY down at the bottom of the pile. That made it hard to get clear images because her sisters and brother were casting shadows on her. How interesting is that? I had no idea that you could get shadows on an ultrasound, but just like light waves are blocked by objects sound waves can also be blocked by a dense enough object. Georgie was a bit difficult to scan because of that, but eventually the tech was able to get in all the parts. There was quite a list of anatomy parts to scan: tibia and fibula on both legs, femur on both legs, both feet, spine (both as a long shot and in slice sections), skull circumference, belly circumference, fall bladder, kidneys, bladder, stomach, brain (all sections), heart (multiple parts like the aortic arch, all four chambers, all four valves), palette.
We listened to her heart beat and each of the valves in her heart. I learned that every valve sounds different and creates a different wave pattern. The computer composites the femur length, belly circumference, and head circumference to then make a prediction of the baby's weight. Georgie was one pound two ounces! That put her in the 75th percentile! What a tough little girl! The pregnancy app on my phone says at 23 weeks they are almost a pound. The scan was at 22 weeks and 3 days. We are ahead of the curve!
The scan continued with Dorothy, who was very cooperative and much easier because she is up on my right with no one to block her. The tech said scanning her was textbook. Once the computer did its magic we had a prediction on one pound for Dorothy. Yay! I took a quick bathroom break at that point just to walk a little since I'd been flat on my back for just over an hour. We quickly learned that we'd done the two easier babies. Merril and Molly are on my left side, Molly above and Merril below. They are the little jumping beans. It is really hard to focus the ultrasound on a tiny heart valve to listen in when your subject keeps wiggling away. The tiniest move turns the steady whoosh, whoosh sound into a garble then nothing. Merril weighed in at a pound and little mover Molly was the smallest at 15 ounces. She's burning it off squirming and kicking!
So, that was the fun part. The babies were scanned by 3:40. All that remained was the cervix measurement. I took another bathroom break and assumed the position in the stirrups. I knew as soon as the image appeared that there was some change. Georgie's head was smack up against my cervix, but that wasn't my concern. What had one just looked like a tight line now had a "v" shaped space facing toward the uterus. The tech got quiet as she wrapped up making the measurement and went to get the nurse practitioner. We waited a while, then when Ginger, the nurse practitioner arrived, she told us that my cervix should be measuring 2-3 centimeters, but had narrowed to 1.3 centimeters. That meant bed rest. Not just "house arrest" but stay-in-in-bed-except-to-go-to-the-bathroom bed rest. That was a bomb shell. I had not expected bed rest so soon.it was one of the nebulous, one day I may....ideas. I asked about the breast feeding class and Ginger said there would be plenty of people to help me when it was time for that, to go home.
The appointment ended with Donny being instructed to go get the car and me being loaded into a wheelchair to ride down to be picked up. I'll go back next Wednesday to check my cervix and see if I can continue resting at home or will need to be admitted to the hospital. I will start taking progesterone tonight to try and keep my cervix tight and at 24 weeks will get steroids shots to help the babies lungs mature more quickly.
So today I am in bed. Donny set me up with everything I need in arms length reach and now I wait. That's where the need for the attitude adjustment comes in. It is so weird to HAVE to stay reclined in bed. No wiggle room for clearing out the dishwasher or folding clothes. No going to the grocery store. Just laying, waiting, resting. But I am blessed beyond measure! The babies are growing, I have family and friends rallying around to help out. My doctors are amazing. Please just join me in praying that the babies will keep growing and stay put for a long time yet!
Friday, March 20, 2015
A Quick Update
Hi everyone! Sorry I didn't post on Tuesday after my doctors' appointments. This week has been busy. Monday I had my very first baby shower. It was hosted by my fellow third grade teachers at CPES for the rest of the faculty and staff. It was so much fun to celebrate with my co-workers. I have been at Chelsea Park for six years now and the faculty and staff feel like family. They have been through this infertility journey with me. I was showered with gift cards, adorable baby gear, and even money to use on needs as they arise.
Tuesday morning w had our two doctors' appointments. At Dr. Gonzales' office they did ultrasounds to check the babies' heartbeats and measure my cervix. The heartbeats were all in normal range and my cervix is holding strong. While the babies were being scanned we saw a funny little sibling interaction. One baby struck out with a tiny fist and the neighboring little one punched back! All that was separating them was the walls of their sacks. I hope this is not an indication of things to come!
After Dr. Gonzales we saw Dr. Straughn. My biggest concern was my newest symptom, ITCHING! I have been itching for almost two weeks. I itch from the base of my scalp to the soles of my feet. At night I wake up three to four times because my feet itch so badly. I tried Aveno baths, Claratin . Benedryl cream, lotions, and finally ice. I now sleep with ice packs so that I can stick my feet under them when they begin to itch. I was concerned that I might be having liver issues because I'd read that could cause extreme itching in pregnancy. Dr. Straughn had blood work drawn to check and thankfully I heard back yesterday that everything came back normal.
Tuesday afternoon I went back to school for a shower thrown by my class and moms. That was fun. The kids loved the shower games, especially the candy bars diaper game. The students had to open a diaper to reveal a melted candy bar, then guess what kind of candy was in the diaper. The expressions and exclamations of disgust were hilarious! I came home with LOTS of diapers and wipers as well as some adorable onesies. By the times I got in my car at 5:00, the whole cab smelled like baby from the diapers and wipes sitting in the warm interior.
Wednesday was a rest day. I took the day to stay home in bed. The morning was slept away and the afternoon consisted of grading papers and writing thank you notes in bed. Ahhhh! So nice. I'm looking forward to more rest soon. I now have only one week of teaching left and that will only be four days because I'm taking next Wednesday as a mid-week break. I can hardly believe the end is in sight!
Tuesday morning w had our two doctors' appointments. At Dr. Gonzales' office they did ultrasounds to check the babies' heartbeats and measure my cervix. The heartbeats were all in normal range and my cervix is holding strong. While the babies were being scanned we saw a funny little sibling interaction. One baby struck out with a tiny fist and the neighboring little one punched back! All that was separating them was the walls of their sacks. I hope this is not an indication of things to come!
After Dr. Gonzales we saw Dr. Straughn. My biggest concern was my newest symptom, ITCHING! I have been itching for almost two weeks. I itch from the base of my scalp to the soles of my feet. At night I wake up three to four times because my feet itch so badly. I tried Aveno baths, Claratin . Benedryl cream, lotions, and finally ice. I now sleep with ice packs so that I can stick my feet under them when they begin to itch. I was concerned that I might be having liver issues because I'd read that could cause extreme itching in pregnancy. Dr. Straughn had blood work drawn to check and thankfully I heard back yesterday that everything came back normal.
Tuesday afternoon I went back to school for a shower thrown by my class and moms. That was fun. The kids loved the shower games, especially the candy bars diaper game. The students had to open a diaper to reveal a melted candy bar, then guess what kind of candy was in the diaper. The expressions and exclamations of disgust were hilarious! I came home with LOTS of diapers and wipers as well as some adorable onesies. By the times I got in my car at 5:00, the whole cab smelled like baby from the diapers and wipes sitting in the warm interior.
Wednesday was a rest day. I took the day to stay home in bed. The morning was slept away and the afternoon consisted of grading papers and writing thank you notes in bed. Ahhhh! So nice. I'm looking forward to more rest soon. I now have only one week of teaching left and that will only be four days because I'm taking next Wednesday as a mid-week break. I can hardly believe the end is in sight!
Thursday, March 5, 2015
Prayer and Praise
The past couple of weeks have really made me feel so much more like a mommy! One reason is my guest room. It is bursting with baby gear! Thanks to the BAMOM Twice As Nice Sale I am now the proud owner of nearly all my big baby items. My mom came up on Friday and I took a half day off so that we could go shopping. The pregnant BAMOM members get to shop early so we were let in at 2:00. The strollers were all lined up inside the doors. I knew that I needed two snap-n-go stroller bases for our infant car seats. It was like a feeding frenzy arounds the strollers. If Mom had not put her hand on two snap-n-goes we wouldn't have gotten them. That was the first three minutes. My second must have was a Chicco Keyfit 30 infant car seat. I had arranged to buy three of the same model from a triplet mom in our group. When I was sure we'd secured our strollers, I left them with Mom, walked around to the car seats, and BINGO! There was the car seat! It was not exactly the same color cover, but it coordinates. The other three are light grey, dark grey, and sage. The one I found was green and black. It also came with two bases. At that point Mom had to go and check out with those big items and I kept shopping. That led to four bouncy seats, a portable swing, and two over-the-door bouncers. Mom made another trip through the checkout. Next came a big baby gate/room divider for the space between our living and dining room, a whale-shaped baby tub, two bath seats, a few fitted crib sheets, and three mesh bumpers ( I already had one). By the time we left, the back of Mom's van was packed. She said it looked like we were setting up a daycare, and it did!
On Saturday some items went on half-price so we went back again, this time with my mom, my sweet mother-in-law, and Donny. This time we dove into baby girl clothes. Merril is pretty much covered with clothes because one of the moms from my class at school gave me seven big diaper boxes of boy clothes. I'd washed them, but Friday evening Mom folded and sorted the into huge ziplock bags by size. That made pink and frills the order of the day on Saturday. Oh my, I love pink and frills! We walked out with 109 pieces of baby girl clothes (mostly onesies and PJs) for $140! Wow. I feel like a Mommy.
Another reason I feel like a Mommy is the mommy concerns and boost to my prayer life. I'd gotten so used to feeling the babies, but the past week and a half I felt nothing. First I tried to push it away. I'd tell myself that they were growing and sleeping. Then I'd pray and go on. That sort of worked, but then I started waking up and thinking about it. Those wake times turned into hour-to-two-hour intense prayer sessions. I kept going to Jeremiah 29:11, God has plans for my babies, and Psalm 139, God knows what is going on inside me and is knitting them together. I was on pins and needles before our Wednesday appointments. Thankfully, at Dr. Gonzales office, when I told the ultrasound tech my concerns she immediately checked for heartbeats. They were all there! I will admit, a few tears slid down my cheek.
I was able to then soak in the images of my sweet, Merril, Molly, Dorothy, and Georgie. They are so close together. They can't move without bumping into each other. There is still growing room, but is amazing to see them little head by little head or head to little rump. Out of curiosity I asked show large my uterus is now. I was shocked as she pulled the ultrasound wand up to below my solar plexus and said "well, there's one up here." Then she pulled it down to just below my pelvis, "and one's down here". My entire belly is babies! I had no idea. It is amazing what that little muscular organ can do! She also checked my cervix and it is still strong and has shown no change. Oh, what a relief!
Next was Dr. Straughn. It was a quick in and out. My weight gain is good. My blood pressure was excellent. She talked with us a few minutes, smiling and nodding the whole time. We left feeling so encouraged and at peace.
Since our appointments were so early, we took the opportunity to visit the staff at Alabama Fertility Specialists. We hadn't seen them since we were released at the beginning of January. A quad pregnancy makes pretty huge changes in two months. They were all thrilled to see us and kept saying how great I looked, every pregnant girl needs to hear that. Karen gave us huge hugs and a smile that warmed me from head to toe. All the nurses circled up and cooed over the newest ultrasound pictures, exclaiming over "such big babies!" That made me giggle. They are used to tiny little peanut babies. After that point they have to hand over the care of those tiny lives to another physician. They help begin fulfilling dreams, but then have to unselfishly allow another to finish the work. That takes a unique, humble, wonderful person. I will be eternally grateful to all of them, and our babies will know the amazing people who helped them become part of the world.
I feel like a Mommy. I humbled, grateful, and blessed Mommy.
On Saturday some items went on half-price so we went back again, this time with my mom, my sweet mother-in-law, and Donny. This time we dove into baby girl clothes. Merril is pretty much covered with clothes because one of the moms from my class at school gave me seven big diaper boxes of boy clothes. I'd washed them, but Friday evening Mom folded and sorted the into huge ziplock bags by size. That made pink and frills the order of the day on Saturday. Oh my, I love pink and frills! We walked out with 109 pieces of baby girl clothes (mostly onesies and PJs) for $140! Wow. I feel like a Mommy.
Another reason I feel like a Mommy is the mommy concerns and boost to my prayer life. I'd gotten so used to feeling the babies, but the past week and a half I felt nothing. First I tried to push it away. I'd tell myself that they were growing and sleeping. Then I'd pray and go on. That sort of worked, but then I started waking up and thinking about it. Those wake times turned into hour-to-two-hour intense prayer sessions. I kept going to Jeremiah 29:11, God has plans for my babies, and Psalm 139, God knows what is going on inside me and is knitting them together. I was on pins and needles before our Wednesday appointments. Thankfully, at Dr. Gonzales office, when I told the ultrasound tech my concerns she immediately checked for heartbeats. They were all there! I will admit, a few tears slid down my cheek.
I was able to then soak in the images of my sweet, Merril, Molly, Dorothy, and Georgie. They are so close together. They can't move without bumping into each other. There is still growing room, but is amazing to see them little head by little head or head to little rump. Out of curiosity I asked show large my uterus is now. I was shocked as she pulled the ultrasound wand up to below my solar plexus and said "well, there's one up here." Then she pulled it down to just below my pelvis, "and one's down here". My entire belly is babies! I had no idea. It is amazing what that little muscular organ can do! She also checked my cervix and it is still strong and has shown no change. Oh, what a relief!
Next was Dr. Straughn. It was a quick in and out. My weight gain is good. My blood pressure was excellent. She talked with us a few minutes, smiling and nodding the whole time. We left feeling so encouraged and at peace.
Since our appointments were so early, we took the opportunity to visit the staff at Alabama Fertility Specialists. We hadn't seen them since we were released at the beginning of January. A quad pregnancy makes pretty huge changes in two months. They were all thrilled to see us and kept saying how great I looked, every pregnant girl needs to hear that. Karen gave us huge hugs and a smile that warmed me from head to toe. All the nurses circled up and cooed over the newest ultrasound pictures, exclaiming over "such big babies!" That made me giggle. They are used to tiny little peanut babies. After that point they have to hand over the care of those tiny lives to another physician. They help begin fulfilling dreams, but then have to unselfishly allow another to finish the work. That takes a unique, humble, wonderful person. I will be eternally grateful to all of them, and our babies will know the amazing people who helped them become part of the world.
I feel like a Mommy. I humbled, grateful, and blessed Mommy.
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
And the babies are...
Today was an important day, our first day of stacked doctors' appointments. We saw Dr. Gonzales at 1:30 and glory be, it was so much more pleasant. We had our ultrasound with the most adorably perky nurse. As she conducted the ultrasound, she cooed over and talked to the babies on the screen. She confirmed the three gender guesses and was able to also get Baby A to cooperate. Are you ready to know? Drum roll please!
The Mottlets are three girls and one boy!
After making fetal measurements, the nurse did my first cervical measurement. Then Dr. Gonzales came in, looked over the pictures, and spoke with us. The babies are measuring 5- 6 ounces, Baby A is the big 6 ounce girl. She is in the 92nd percentile! Their heartbeats ranged from 140-150 bpm. Dr. Gonzales was much more personable this time. He smiled as he spoke with us and confirmed that my cervix is doing well, holding strong.
Donny and I headed down to the second floor with smiles on our faces! In our appointment with Dr. Straughn I was able to run down my symptoms. All of them were expected pregnancy symptoms. Well, all but the rib muscle that I pulled today. I'm moving like an old lady. Man a pulled muscle hurts! Every move and cough hurts! I think it was a combination of coughing, throwing up the other night, and the pressure on my ribs as I grow bigger and bigger.
On a more positive note, our babies are movers! I feel them nearly every day now. This morning from 4 -7 they were practicing their ninja skills. It's hard to sleep when four babies are flipping and kicking around inside you! It's sleep I'd gladly miss, just to know our Mottlets are happy and healthy. Please continue praying that the babies grow, my cervix stays strong and tightly closed, an my BP stays regulated. All of your prayers and support are so incredibly appreciated!
The Mottlets are three girls and one boy!
After making fetal measurements, the nurse did my first cervical measurement. Then Dr. Gonzales came in, looked over the pictures, and spoke with us. The babies are measuring 5- 6 ounces, Baby A is the big 6 ounce girl. She is in the 92nd percentile! Their heartbeats ranged from 140-150 bpm. Dr. Gonzales was much more personable this time. He smiled as he spoke with us and confirmed that my cervix is doing well, holding strong.
Donny and I headed down to the second floor with smiles on our faces! In our appointment with Dr. Straughn I was able to run down my symptoms. All of them were expected pregnancy symptoms. Well, all but the rib muscle that I pulled today. I'm moving like an old lady. Man a pulled muscle hurts! Every move and cough hurts! I think it was a combination of coughing, throwing up the other night, and the pressure on my ribs as I grow bigger and bigger.
On a more positive note, our babies are movers! I feel them nearly every day now. This morning from 4 -7 they were practicing their ninja skills. It's hard to sleep when four babies are flipping and kicking around inside you! It's sleep I'd gladly miss, just to know our Mottlets are happy and healthy. Please continue praying that the babies grow, my cervix stays strong and tightly closed, an my BP stays regulated. All of your prayers and support are so incredibly appreciated!
Monday, February 9, 2015
Don't Rain On My Parade
So what does it mean when I'm updating my blog on a school day, during school hours? That's right, I'm sick! The little germ factories have struck again. I could tell on Thursday that my lingering cough - you know the one that likes to make me lose my meals- was getting worse. A bunch of the kids in my class had been hacking too. I knew I was getting a cold. So, ever after resting in bed or on the couch all weekend, I still had to take a sick day. That does mean I have to time to update you on the two most recent doctor visits as I sit hear cocooned in pillows.
We saw Dr. Gonzales for the first time on January 28th. He is the perinatologist at Brookwood. First they took us back to the nicest ultrasound room I've ever been in, huge! It had a nice long bed beside the screen, a row of chairs along the wall, and plenty of space for the equipment, a desk, and a few other pieces of furniture. The overhead lights were out, but a pretty table lamp shed a warm glow in the corner. The tech who called us back then set to work doing the most through ultrasound I've ever had. She'd checked organs - heart, diaphragm, stomach, and brain. She located key developing bones- growth plates in the skull, tibia and fibula, radius and ulna, and the little nasal bone. She measured them all from head to rump to confirm due date. Thankfully they all were measuring one to two days ahead of schedule and no one was lagging or small. She located and measured all the heartbeats. A few babies gave her a hard time and kept wiggling away as soon as she found the heartbeat. You'd hear the woosh-woosh-woosh of a heart for a second then it would turn to garbled white noise as the tiny patient squirmed away. We watched them practice swallowing, squirming, waving arms and legs. The imaging equipment was incredibly clear! Their tiny profiles were easy to see. It is amazing what bonding can take place just by watching your unborn children. We even got gender guesses for three babies. Baby A was not cooperating. I'm going to wait to share genders here on the blog until we have them confirmed sat my next appointment with Dr. Gonzales.
So, we were on cloud nine! Our babies were growing! They were moving! Then the tech said, "ok, I'm going to show these to Dr. Gonzales and then he will come in ands tell you everything that can go wrong." Thunderclouds overhead, he was going to rain on my parade. We knew it was coming. Of course he'd have to share all the possible nasty scenarios. I had to make a run for the bathroom before he came in - too much pushing on the bladder- and when I returned he was already in the room. The tech flipped through the images pretty quickly as he watched. I guess he found nothing to cause alarm, because he didn't refer back to the images during the rest of the consultation. Basically the biggest scary concerns he had were these: preterm delivery before viability, blood pressure issues, and distribution of nutrition as the babies grow. There were more, but these struck home.
Basically, he said preterm labor, once it begins, can only be delayed a few hours at best. 40% of quadruplet sets are born before 24 week, before they can survive outside the womb. There is no good information on why it happens. When the babies decide they are coming then they are coming. The hospital will take steps to medically intervene from 24 weeks on, but not before that.
I already have high blood pressure that is controlled on medication. He said that the blood volume increase needed to support four babies may be more than my circulatory system can handle. My blood vessels can on stretch so far and my heart can only pump so much. He said with my preexisting blood pressure issues, this could cause us to have problems. If my blood pressure goes too high they might have to deliver the babies early, possibly even too early.
Then final concern will show up more later as the babies grow. If one baby has a greater surface area attachment between the placenta ands uterine wall, it will get more nutrition than the others. This would cause uneven growth, crowding out the ones receiving less nutrition. Finally the smallest baby may just decide they are all coming early.
See, rain, a downpour really. Selective reduction also reared it's ugly head once again, and once again we said a kind, but firm "no".
As you can imagine we left that appointment with mixed emotions. Our babies were growing, beautiful, and strong but WHAT IF?
Donny and I talked and were reminded that God entrusted us with these babies and this journey. He hasn't just started all of it in motion and then washed his hands of us and our babies. He is knitting them, all four of them, together. His plan is perfect. Even if the plan is one of the "what ifs" it is perfect. My quad mom friend told me that all I can do it eat, rest, and leave it in God's hands. That's what I intend to do.
Our most recent appointment was this past Friday morning. This time with Dr. Straughn. It was so much less stress! The ultrasound showed four strong heartbeats, but the tech didn't try to tell us the sex if Baby A....darn! Dr. Straughn answered our questions about when I should try to stay home from work, how to handle my cold, and how Hawk would fit in the picture at the hospital when the babies arrive ( that one had really been bugging Donny). She said all my lab work from the last visit looked great. My blood pressure was even normal, I told her that was because I hadn't been to work yet that day ;) It was fantastic to leave an appointment feeling good instead of worried. There was rain on our parade, but the sun came shining through bringing a rainbow of hope.
So now you are all caught up on my life carrying four babies. In the course of the time it took me to type this I've had to make a bathroom run, a snack run, and a refill my water jug run. Just imagine what life will be like as they grow! For now, I'll cough, sniffle, eat, and sleep the rest of this sick day away.
We saw Dr. Gonzales for the first time on January 28th. He is the perinatologist at Brookwood. First they took us back to the nicest ultrasound room I've ever been in, huge! It had a nice long bed beside the screen, a row of chairs along the wall, and plenty of space for the equipment, a desk, and a few other pieces of furniture. The overhead lights were out, but a pretty table lamp shed a warm glow in the corner. The tech who called us back then set to work doing the most through ultrasound I've ever had. She'd checked organs - heart, diaphragm, stomach, and brain. She located key developing bones- growth plates in the skull, tibia and fibula, radius and ulna, and the little nasal bone. She measured them all from head to rump to confirm due date. Thankfully they all were measuring one to two days ahead of schedule and no one was lagging or small. She located and measured all the heartbeats. A few babies gave her a hard time and kept wiggling away as soon as she found the heartbeat. You'd hear the woosh-woosh-woosh of a heart for a second then it would turn to garbled white noise as the tiny patient squirmed away. We watched them practice swallowing, squirming, waving arms and legs. The imaging equipment was incredibly clear! Their tiny profiles were easy to see. It is amazing what bonding can take place just by watching your unborn children. We even got gender guesses for three babies. Baby A was not cooperating. I'm going to wait to share genders here on the blog until we have them confirmed sat my next appointment with Dr. Gonzales.
So, we were on cloud nine! Our babies were growing! They were moving! Then the tech said, "ok, I'm going to show these to Dr. Gonzales and then he will come in ands tell you everything that can go wrong." Thunderclouds overhead, he was going to rain on my parade. We knew it was coming. Of course he'd have to share all the possible nasty scenarios. I had to make a run for the bathroom before he came in - too much pushing on the bladder- and when I returned he was already in the room. The tech flipped through the images pretty quickly as he watched. I guess he found nothing to cause alarm, because he didn't refer back to the images during the rest of the consultation. Basically the biggest scary concerns he had were these: preterm delivery before viability, blood pressure issues, and distribution of nutrition as the babies grow. There were more, but these struck home.
Basically, he said preterm labor, once it begins, can only be delayed a few hours at best. 40% of quadruplet sets are born before 24 week, before they can survive outside the womb. There is no good information on why it happens. When the babies decide they are coming then they are coming. The hospital will take steps to medically intervene from 24 weeks on, but not before that.
I already have high blood pressure that is controlled on medication. He said that the blood volume increase needed to support four babies may be more than my circulatory system can handle. My blood vessels can on stretch so far and my heart can only pump so much. He said with my preexisting blood pressure issues, this could cause us to have problems. If my blood pressure goes too high they might have to deliver the babies early, possibly even too early.
Then final concern will show up more later as the babies grow. If one baby has a greater surface area attachment between the placenta ands uterine wall, it will get more nutrition than the others. This would cause uneven growth, crowding out the ones receiving less nutrition. Finally the smallest baby may just decide they are all coming early.
See, rain, a downpour really. Selective reduction also reared it's ugly head once again, and once again we said a kind, but firm "no".
As you can imagine we left that appointment with mixed emotions. Our babies were growing, beautiful, and strong but WHAT IF?
Donny and I talked and were reminded that God entrusted us with these babies and this journey. He hasn't just started all of it in motion and then washed his hands of us and our babies. He is knitting them, all four of them, together. His plan is perfect. Even if the plan is one of the "what ifs" it is perfect. My quad mom friend told me that all I can do it eat, rest, and leave it in God's hands. That's what I intend to do.
Our most recent appointment was this past Friday morning. This time with Dr. Straughn. It was so much less stress! The ultrasound showed four strong heartbeats, but the tech didn't try to tell us the sex if Baby A....darn! Dr. Straughn answered our questions about when I should try to stay home from work, how to handle my cold, and how Hawk would fit in the picture at the hospital when the babies arrive ( that one had really been bugging Donny). She said all my lab work from the last visit looked great. My blood pressure was even normal, I told her that was because I hadn't been to work yet that day ;) It was fantastic to leave an appointment feeling good instead of worried. There was rain on our parade, but the sun came shining through bringing a rainbow of hope.
So now you are all caught up on my life carrying four babies. In the course of the time it took me to type this I've had to make a bathroom run, a snack run, and a refill my water jug run. Just imagine what life will be like as they grow! For now, I'll cough, sniffle, eat, and sleep the rest of this sick day away.
Sunday, January 25, 2015
Hello everyone! It is high time I filled all of you in on the latest news on the Mottlets! The week has been very busy and eventful. A soon as we found out we were expecting quads, friends and doctors began to mention a local support group for moms with multiple, Birminghan Area Mothers of Multiples (BAMOM). I reached out to them on facebook about a month ago and immediately heard back from several moms in the group, including a mom of quads. A couple weeks ago, I began texting with her and she encouraged me to join them for their Moms' Night Out to meet the other moms and get plugged in. So, this past Thursday night I pushed my bedtime back (I'm not a night owl and growing four babies has put me in bed even earlier lately) and joined them for dinner from 7:00-9:00 at Cantina Lorado. It is a little intimidating to insert yourself into a group where you don't know anyone, but nerves quickly vanished as I was quickly pulled into the middle of a trio of best-friend-moms and immediately included in the conversation.
I had a wonderful time that evening. The wealth of experience at that table and just knowing that they'd all been in the same place as me was fantastic. Thanks to that night, I already have arranged to buy a quad stroller second-hand from one of the moms for half the price I would have had to pay new and I have a group of ladies that I can call on for advice and support in this wonderful/terrifying journey as a quad-mom. They enthusiastically approved our choice to have the Mottlets at Brookwood. Several of them had their babies at Brookwood and raved about the NICU, the neonatologists, and Dr. Gonzales.
I definitely plan on attending as many BAMOM meetings and events as possible. One of their upcoming events I'm really excited about is their consignment sale on February 27 - 28. I'm hoping to grab some of our larger items like snap-n-go baby seat strollers and other essentials at the sale. I don't think we'll know baby genders yet so I'll most-likely wait on clothes. If you are interested in checking out the sale, there is more information at BAMOM.org
Friday morning was our first OB appointment with Dr. Straughn. Our appointment was at 7:45 and they wanted us there 30 minutes early- so much for extra sleep on my half-day off. I did quickly see the benefit of an early appointment though. When we walked out at 9:15 the waiting room was full!
We started with an ultrasound, and this one was finally external! Yay! I held my breathe as I waited to see the image come into focus, praying that there were still four healthy babies. One, two, three, four....whew! They were so much bigger and so much more defined. Two weeks ago they were little peanuts- head, body, and tiny arms and legs. This time they were head, clear neck, shoulders with longer thin arms, belly, hips and long slender legs. More amazingly, they were all very active. We watched them twist and turn, push with their legs against their sacks, stretch arms, and one even waved a little hand. Then, for the first time, we heard their heartbeats. One-by-one the tech focused in on each baby and found the heartbeat. What an incredible experience!
Then we were moved to a room and waited to speak with Dr. Straughn. We just kept grinning at each other, basking in the glow of our growing babies! She came in, sat down, and talked with us a long time. We were able to finally get filled in on the basic beginning-of-pregnancy info and ask questions. She did tell us up front that in 14 years of practice she has never delivered quads. She has delivered lots of twins ands a couple sets of triplets. She was willing to see us and would refer us to Dr. Gonzales, who would outline a plan for the pregnancy that they would follow together. She also said we were welcome to get another opinion at UAB if we wanted. Donny and I discussed it and decided that we were most comfortable staying at Brookwood. The NICU will be crucial for our Mottlets. I'm confident that together Dr. Straughn and Dr. Gonzales will be able to help me get the Mottlets here safely. Then it will be in the hands of the neonatologists and the NICU.
We wrapped up the appointment with blood work. Thankfully, the nurse got my vein on the first stick. She wasn't very chatty, but if she's good at finding a vein, I have no complaints! I will be going in every two weeks to see Dr. Straughn so we went ahead and scheduled our next appointment for February 6th. Some time this week I should also be hearing from Dr. Gonzales' office to set up an appointment to see him.
Donny and I celebrated the good visit with second breakfast at Over Easy. It really seemed like a crime to not be able to eat that entire yummy plate of food. Food is still my frienemy. I have to eat every couple of hours, but I can't eat a full meal in one sitting. The rest if the weekend was a flurry of friends and family. Saturday we had lunch with my sister, Faith, and went bargain shopping for diapers at Bargain Hunt. Yep, we have started diaper stocking. That evening we had a long overdue dinner with two families we love, the Lukers and the Sauniers. We haven't seen them since we got pregnant. There were lots of squeezy hugs, squeals, and tummy pats.
Today, my niece Piper was baptized at Shades Mountain Baptist Church, our former church. We were blessed to attend along with Donny's whole family. Afterwards, we were able to see several friends from our Sunday school class at Shades. We were covered up in hugs, congratulations, offers to help, and offers of baby clothes/gear.
So now you are up-to-date! This week has been a wonderful time of encouragement. We are humbled by the amazing generosity and support of friends, family, and even complete strangers. I have never felt so covered in prayer. Thank you all!
I had a wonderful time that evening. The wealth of experience at that table and just knowing that they'd all been in the same place as me was fantastic. Thanks to that night, I already have arranged to buy a quad stroller second-hand from one of the moms for half the price I would have had to pay new and I have a group of ladies that I can call on for advice and support in this wonderful/terrifying journey as a quad-mom. They enthusiastically approved our choice to have the Mottlets at Brookwood. Several of them had their babies at Brookwood and raved about the NICU, the neonatologists, and Dr. Gonzales.
I definitely plan on attending as many BAMOM meetings and events as possible. One of their upcoming events I'm really excited about is their consignment sale on February 27 - 28. I'm hoping to grab some of our larger items like snap-n-go baby seat strollers and other essentials at the sale. I don't think we'll know baby genders yet so I'll most-likely wait on clothes. If you are interested in checking out the sale, there is more information at BAMOM.org
Friday morning was our first OB appointment with Dr. Straughn. Our appointment was at 7:45 and they wanted us there 30 minutes early- so much for extra sleep on my half-day off. I did quickly see the benefit of an early appointment though. When we walked out at 9:15 the waiting room was full!
We started with an ultrasound, and this one was finally external! Yay! I held my breathe as I waited to see the image come into focus, praying that there were still four healthy babies. One, two, three, four....whew! They were so much bigger and so much more defined. Two weeks ago they were little peanuts- head, body, and tiny arms and legs. This time they were head, clear neck, shoulders with longer thin arms, belly, hips and long slender legs. More amazingly, they were all very active. We watched them twist and turn, push with their legs against their sacks, stretch arms, and one even waved a little hand. Then, for the first time, we heard their heartbeats. One-by-one the tech focused in on each baby and found the heartbeat. What an incredible experience!
Then we were moved to a room and waited to speak with Dr. Straughn. We just kept grinning at each other, basking in the glow of our growing babies! She came in, sat down, and talked with us a long time. We were able to finally get filled in on the basic beginning-of-pregnancy info and ask questions. She did tell us up front that in 14 years of practice she has never delivered quads. She has delivered lots of twins ands a couple sets of triplets. She was willing to see us and would refer us to Dr. Gonzales, who would outline a plan for the pregnancy that they would follow together. She also said we were welcome to get another opinion at UAB if we wanted. Donny and I discussed it and decided that we were most comfortable staying at Brookwood. The NICU will be crucial for our Mottlets. I'm confident that together Dr. Straughn and Dr. Gonzales will be able to help me get the Mottlets here safely. Then it will be in the hands of the neonatologists and the NICU.
We wrapped up the appointment with blood work. Thankfully, the nurse got my vein on the first stick. She wasn't very chatty, but if she's good at finding a vein, I have no complaints! I will be going in every two weeks to see Dr. Straughn so we went ahead and scheduled our next appointment for February 6th. Some time this week I should also be hearing from Dr. Gonzales' office to set up an appointment to see him.
Donny and I celebrated the good visit with second breakfast at Over Easy. It really seemed like a crime to not be able to eat that entire yummy plate of food. Food is still my frienemy. I have to eat every couple of hours, but I can't eat a full meal in one sitting. The rest if the weekend was a flurry of friends and family. Saturday we had lunch with my sister, Faith, and went bargain shopping for diapers at Bargain Hunt. Yep, we have started diaper stocking. That evening we had a long overdue dinner with two families we love, the Lukers and the Sauniers. We haven't seen them since we got pregnant. There were lots of squeezy hugs, squeals, and tummy pats.
Today, my niece Piper was baptized at Shades Mountain Baptist Church, our former church. We were blessed to attend along with Donny's whole family. Afterwards, we were able to see several friends from our Sunday school class at Shades. We were covered up in hugs, congratulations, offers to help, and offers of baby clothes/gear.
So now you are up-to-date! This week has been a wonderful time of encouragement. We are humbled by the amazing generosity and support of friends, family, and even complete strangers. I have never felt so covered in prayer. Thank you all!
Monday, January 5, 2015
The Mottlets
Receiving the news that you are going to carry four babies is pretty overwhelming. Of course I was happy. We've wanted a family so long. Still four is a daunting prospect! I had a month to mull over the news. The two week break from school turned into self-imposed modified bed rest. I had no energy at all! Food became a tricky two-faced friend. I had to eat every couple of hours or I'd feel sick, but heaven forbid I eat a bite more than my stomach wanted or it promptly made an unpleasant reappearance! I just told myself it must mean the babies were growing.
Today we had our 10 week ultrasound. Donny and I didn't know what to expect. Would all four still be there? Maybe the pregnancy had reduced? Maybe none of them were growing. We waited nervously for Karen to come in and perform the ultrasound. I had to eat crackers as we waited- it had been three hours since lunch after all. When the screen revealed 1, 2, 3, 4 babies we finally felt like we could breathe!
What an amazing sight it was to see each of those tiny little people! Their precious bobble heads, tiny arms, and little legs came in and out of focus as Karen skillfully maneuvered the probe around and snapped pictures of each baby. One of them was awake and wiggling, waving tiny arms and legs. As ultrasound continued another sweet pea woke up too and wiggled around. All four were measuring exactly as they should be and have been growing like little champs.
Afterward we met with Dr. Steinkampf for the final time. He had already called and spoken with my OB, Dr. Straughn, at Brookwood to inform her that here was releasing me to her care. I will call and make an appointment with her, then see Dr. Gonzales (a perinatal specialist) also. It was bitter sweet to tell the wonderful staff at Alabama Fertility Specialists goodbye. Hugs were exchanged. Promises made to keep in touch and send baby pictures. Dr. Steinkampf even gave me a hug! What a softie :)
So now the plan is rest whenever possible, eat and eat, and grow the biggest and healthiest quads the Brookwood Hospital has ever seen!
Today we had our 10 week ultrasound. Donny and I didn't know what to expect. Would all four still be there? Maybe the pregnancy had reduced? Maybe none of them were growing. We waited nervously for Karen to come in and perform the ultrasound. I had to eat crackers as we waited- it had been three hours since lunch after all. When the screen revealed 1, 2, 3, 4 babies we finally felt like we could breathe!
What an amazing sight it was to see each of those tiny little people! Their precious bobble heads, tiny arms, and little legs came in and out of focus as Karen skillfully maneuvered the probe around and snapped pictures of each baby. One of them was awake and wiggling, waving tiny arms and legs. As ultrasound continued another sweet pea woke up too and wiggled around. All four were measuring exactly as they should be and have been growing like little champs.
Afterward we met with Dr. Steinkampf for the final time. He had already called and spoken with my OB, Dr. Straughn, at Brookwood to inform her that here was releasing me to her care. I will call and make an appointment with her, then see Dr. Gonzales (a perinatal specialist) also. It was bitter sweet to tell the wonderful staff at Alabama Fertility Specialists goodbye. Hugs were exchanged. Promises made to keep in touch and send baby pictures. Dr. Steinkampf even gave me a hug! What a softie :)
So now the plan is rest whenever possible, eat and eat, and grow the biggest and healthiest quads the Brookwood Hospital has ever seen!
Saturday, December 13, 2014
I'm looking over a four-leaf clover...
Hello friends. If I've left some of you in suspense this past week, I'm sorry! You remember that we got our exciting BFP call from Karen. The follow up blood work was great. My HCG levels were rising quickly. We scheduled our first ultrasound for December 10th at 2:30. Donny and I couldn't wait to see our baby for the first time! Unfortunately, I picked up a cold from one of my little darlings at school that kept me in bed the weekend before the appointment and forced my to take a sick day on Tuesday. I went to my general practitioner and founded out my cold had turned into a secondary infection. Ick! Morning sickness and nausea also struck. It's no fun to lose your breakfast in the driveway as you are trying to leave for work.
When Wednesday finally arrived, I was excited, but still feeling sick. I got through my half-day at school and went to Donny's office. The plan was to grab lunch together, hang out, then head to our appointment. I really wanted to enjoy the afternoon, but it was a struggle to get the broccoli cheddar soup down and sit up as we ate at Panera. We decided to go walk around Babies-R-Us (finally a happy visit to that store). As we cruised up and down the aisles packed with the mysterious accoutrements of parenthood I couldn't help feeling a little better. The stroller and car seat section was a source of lots of conversation. Donny patted the handle of a double stroller with a joking grin and said, " We'll needed two of these. One for you and one for me!" I laughed and kept walking. Oh, if I'd only known...
We arrived a little early for our ultrasound and Karen took us right back. I think she was just as excited as we were. As she inserted the probe, I watched the screen eagerly, expecting to see one or two dark spots. Ask she moved the probe around, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. There were several dark spots. "Well, this isn't exactly what I hoped to see," Karen began, "Can you tell how many we are looking at?"
I stared at the clear four-leaf clover on the screen, "four?"
"Yes, we are looking at four. That's more than I wanted to see. Let's get some measurements." She continued to reposition the probe, freeze images, and place little asterisks on the top, bottom, and sides of each little one. She paused over each tiny baby to point out a flickering dot, the heartbeat. All four babies had heartbeats and measured almost the same size - the correct size for 6 weeks and two days.
After the ultrasound I was given my first snapshot of my growing family and ushered into another exam room to talk with Dr. Steinkampf. Donny and I were grinning at each other as we waited and I couldn't stop giggling! It was a giddy high. When Dr. Steinkampf came in, he congratulated us with a cautious smile. He sat down and began to explain some of the concerns with multiples. Each extra baby subtracts an average of four weeks from the normal gestation. With quads - 3 extra babies - 12 weeks early is terrifying. Half of quadruplet pregnancy end in all four babies succumbing to prematurity.
Then he presented our "options":
1. Terminate the pregnancy and try again (NOT an option).
2. Attempt to carry a quad pregnancy (sounds about right, but "attempt" is a scary word).
3. Near the end of the first trimester, selectively reduce the pregnancy to twins (NOT AN OPTION).
He also said that sometimes one or more of the babies stop developing and re-absorb. He said we couldn't make any decisions now. We would return in a few weeks for another ultrasound and would then develop a plan if attack. I told him that Donny and I believed strongly in the sanctity of life and we would no reduce our pregnancy. Obviously we are not the first couple to tell him that. He didn't berate us, but he did say that you could make the case that reducing the pregnancy respects life by giving two babies a better chance at survival. This argument doesn't change our mind. God allowed four of six follicles to become babies. I will do everything in my power to carry all four of them as close to full term as possible.
I must admit, the prospect is very daunting. I am scared for my babies. I'm really not sure how we'll handle the day-to-day realities of caring for four, most likely premature, infants. Right now, I'm praying that all of the babies that are born will be healthy. I'm eating like a horse and sleeping every chance I get. I stay exhausted and get queasy and shakes, but thank goodness for nausea meds! Donny has been waiting on me hand-and-foot. He is my cheerleader and my hero. I have no idea what the future holds. We'll have more answers after of ultrasound on January 5th. Will we see 4 still? 3? 2? For now, I'll drink another glass of water, get a snack, and lie down! Mama is worn out!
When Wednesday finally arrived, I was excited, but still feeling sick. I got through my half-day at school and went to Donny's office. The plan was to grab lunch together, hang out, then head to our appointment. I really wanted to enjoy the afternoon, but it was a struggle to get the broccoli cheddar soup down and sit up as we ate at Panera. We decided to go walk around Babies-R-Us (finally a happy visit to that store). As we cruised up and down the aisles packed with the mysterious accoutrements of parenthood I couldn't help feeling a little better. The stroller and car seat section was a source of lots of conversation. Donny patted the handle of a double stroller with a joking grin and said, " We'll needed two of these. One for you and one for me!" I laughed and kept walking. Oh, if I'd only known...
We arrived a little early for our ultrasound and Karen took us right back. I think she was just as excited as we were. As she inserted the probe, I watched the screen eagerly, expecting to see one or two dark spots. Ask she moved the probe around, I couldn't believe what I was seeing. There were several dark spots. "Well, this isn't exactly what I hoped to see," Karen began, "Can you tell how many we are looking at?"
I stared at the clear four-leaf clover on the screen, "four?"
"Yes, we are looking at four. That's more than I wanted to see. Let's get some measurements." She continued to reposition the probe, freeze images, and place little asterisks on the top, bottom, and sides of each little one. She paused over each tiny baby to point out a flickering dot, the heartbeat. All four babies had heartbeats and measured almost the same size - the correct size for 6 weeks and two days.
After the ultrasound I was given my first snapshot of my growing family and ushered into another exam room to talk with Dr. Steinkampf. Donny and I were grinning at each other as we waited and I couldn't stop giggling! It was a giddy high. When Dr. Steinkampf came in, he congratulated us with a cautious smile. He sat down and began to explain some of the concerns with multiples. Each extra baby subtracts an average of four weeks from the normal gestation. With quads - 3 extra babies - 12 weeks early is terrifying. Half of quadruplet pregnancy end in all four babies succumbing to prematurity.
Then he presented our "options":
1. Terminate the pregnancy and try again (NOT an option).
2. Attempt to carry a quad pregnancy (sounds about right, but "attempt" is a scary word).
3. Near the end of the first trimester, selectively reduce the pregnancy to twins (NOT AN OPTION).
He also said that sometimes one or more of the babies stop developing and re-absorb. He said we couldn't make any decisions now. We would return in a few weeks for another ultrasound and would then develop a plan if attack. I told him that Donny and I believed strongly in the sanctity of life and we would no reduce our pregnancy. Obviously we are not the first couple to tell him that. He didn't berate us, but he did say that you could make the case that reducing the pregnancy respects life by giving two babies a better chance at survival. This argument doesn't change our mind. God allowed four of six follicles to become babies. I will do everything in my power to carry all four of them as close to full term as possible.
I must admit, the prospect is very daunting. I am scared for my babies. I'm really not sure how we'll handle the day-to-day realities of caring for four, most likely premature, infants. Right now, I'm praying that all of the babies that are born will be healthy. I'm eating like a horse and sleeping every chance I get. I stay exhausted and get queasy and shakes, but thank goodness for nausea meds! Donny has been waiting on me hand-and-foot. He is my cheerleader and my hero. I have no idea what the future holds. We'll have more answers after of ultrasound on January 5th. Will we see 4 still? 3? 2? For now, I'll drink another glass of water, get a snack, and lie down! Mama is worn out!
Monday, November 24, 2014
Counting Our Blessings
Thanksgiving is just around the corner and I have been looking back on 2014. I had my students write about three things they were thankful for this past year. As they wrote, I mused. It was challenging to chose just three. I am so blessed, and though this year has had some ups and downs, I am grateful for ever step.
I am thankful for my husband, Donny. He has held my hand for every IUI. When they failed and I fell apart he held me. We have the same goofy, child-like sense of humor and have kept each other laughing. I am beyond grateful that God protected him during the rough blood sugar low. He is my hero. Thank goodness he could give me those icky injections!
I appreciate Alabama Fertility Specialists. Dr. Steinkampf has made solid, professional decisions in my treatment. I have never doubted his leading. Karen has been my fairy godmother, always bubbly and welcoming, a listening ear, and usually the one who performed each IUI. Leslie, the sweet smiling face behind the front desk who bravely delivered so many bad reports to me month after month. I could not do her job!
Finally, I am thankful for my baby. That's right friends! Today we heard the most wonderful news! We are pregnant! I was so nervous today before the appointment - terrified that the injections, our big guns, had failed. I'd been hurting more this cycle. This past week my lower abdomen and back had been hurting, sometimes sharp pains, other times a dull ache. The girls have been sore too. I tried to explain it all as injection side effects. By the time I got to the doctor's office I was shaking, I was so nervous. We had our normal visit - talk with Dr. Steinkampf, have blood drawn, and wait.
As we were leaving, Karen called down the hall, "Leigh! When we give you your positive, can we take Hawk's vest off and love on him?" That made me laugh. It turns out that she was right. About an hour and a half later I answered my phone and heard Karen on the other end. I instantly felt hope. Karen has never called to report my results before.
" Hi Leigh! Tell Hawk to get ready! Your whole fan club is here in the office to give you the news. You are so pregnant!"
All I could do was say, "really?", cry happy tears, and hug Donny. I could hear cheers in the background. What an amazing Thanksgiving! God is so good! Praise His name! His timing is perfect!
I am thankful for my husband, Donny. He has held my hand for every IUI. When they failed and I fell apart he held me. We have the same goofy, child-like sense of humor and have kept each other laughing. I am beyond grateful that God protected him during the rough blood sugar low. He is my hero. Thank goodness he could give me those icky injections!
I appreciate Alabama Fertility Specialists. Dr. Steinkampf has made solid, professional decisions in my treatment. I have never doubted his leading. Karen has been my fairy godmother, always bubbly and welcoming, a listening ear, and usually the one who performed each IUI. Leslie, the sweet smiling face behind the front desk who bravely delivered so many bad reports to me month after month. I could not do her job!
Finally, I am thankful for my baby. That's right friends! Today we heard the most wonderful news! We are pregnant! I was so nervous today before the appointment - terrified that the injections, our big guns, had failed. I'd been hurting more this cycle. This past week my lower abdomen and back had been hurting, sometimes sharp pains, other times a dull ache. The girls have been sore too. I tried to explain it all as injection side effects. By the time I got to the doctor's office I was shaking, I was so nervous. We had our normal visit - talk with Dr. Steinkampf, have blood drawn, and wait.
As we were leaving, Karen called down the hall, "Leigh! When we give you your positive, can we take Hawk's vest off and love on him?" That made me laugh. It turns out that she was right. About an hour and a half later I answered my phone and heard Karen on the other end. I instantly felt hope. Karen has never called to report my results before.
" Hi Leigh! Tell Hawk to get ready! Your whole fan club is here in the office to give you the news. You are so pregnant!"
All I could do was say, "really?", cry happy tears, and hug Donny. I could hear cheers in the background. What an amazing Thanksgiving! God is so good! Praise His name! His timing is perfect!
Monday, November 10, 2014
Shots, it had to be shots!
Everyone knows that scene in Indiana Jones. The daring hero who faces soldiers without fear stares in horror at a snake. Needles are my snakes. I've gotten better about having blood drawn thanks to our RE visits. They want blood almost every time I step through the door. I used to shake when a nurse came up with a syringe, now I just look the other way, take deep breaths and count - one, one thousand, two, one thousand, three, one thousand. This cycle was a new challenge. Since Clomid turned out to be a failure for me, we moved to ultrasound monitoring and injections.
On day two of my cycle I went in for a baseline ultrasound to check my ovaries and ensure there were no cysts. These ultrasounds are not the gel-on-the-belly knees you see on movies. Instead it is internal. Pretty uncomfortable on cycle day two! When that probe is pushing into you achy ovary you want to kick the operator. It's like when you've got a nasty bruise and someone keeps poking it. Even though it felt like something had to be wrong with my poor sore ovaries, Karen said I was good to start the new regimen.
Donny and I drove to Southern Pharmaceuticals in Irondale to pick up the injections and supplies. Then it started to become real. I was carrying a bag with alcohol prep swabs, a follistim injection pen, needles, follistim cartridge, pregnly, and a sharps disposal container. Sunday evening I put together the pen, dialed up up the correct dose, swabbed my stomach to the right of my belly button, and grasped the pen. I was determined to administer the shot myself, but as I stared at the needles my resolve wavered. I changed my grip, steeling myself. And I couldn't do it! I walked into the living room, handed the pen to Donny, and had him give the injection. Then, because I'd worked myself up, I burst into tears.
I didn't try again. Donny gave me the shot every night: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Then Friday morning I went in for a follow-up ultrasound. Karen said I'd responded beautifully to the injections. I watched as she measured the follicles on the ultrasound screen, placing little plus-shaped cursors at the top, bottom, and sides of the follicles. She said they want the follicles to measure 1.6 centimeters and mine ranged from 1.2 - 1.4 cm. Karen said one more follistim injection should put them at exactly the right size. She didn't tell me how many follicles she saw, but I counted six as she measured. She instructed that we do a follistim shot Friday night, the trigger shot of Pregnyl on Saturday night. Our sixth IUI was scheduled for Monday. Only two more shots! The end was in sight! The trigger shot was the worst of the set. There was so much more medicine in that dose, Donny had to go more slowly. I ended up with a big bruise from that one, nasty red and purple.
This morning we went in for the IUI. Those have become old hat by now. I know exactly what to expect. This time, I was surprised by the discomfort level. I guess things in there are more inflamed then I realized. Things that are normally mildly uncomfortable hurt. The speculum made me have to controlled breathe and mentally coach myself through. I have to admit I teared up once Karen was out of the room. Donny grabbed my hand and prayed as I lay there on the table. He is my coach, my nurse, my cheerleader, my leader, and my love. I can't imagine doing this without him.
I want to be positive about this cycle, but I'm having trouble. Five previous negatives make it hard to get excited. Donny is the one who is staying positive for both of us. It does help that I was able to actually see the follicles. The last cycles we had blood work and ovulation test kit results that said I was ovulating, now I know I am. Now we pray and wait.
On day two of my cycle I went in for a baseline ultrasound to check my ovaries and ensure there were no cysts. These ultrasounds are not the gel-on-the-belly knees you see on movies. Instead it is internal. Pretty uncomfortable on cycle day two! When that probe is pushing into you achy ovary you want to kick the operator. It's like when you've got a nasty bruise and someone keeps poking it. Even though it felt like something had to be wrong with my poor sore ovaries, Karen said I was good to start the new regimen.
Donny and I drove to Southern Pharmaceuticals in Irondale to pick up the injections and supplies. Then it started to become real. I was carrying a bag with alcohol prep swabs, a follistim injection pen, needles, follistim cartridge, pregnly, and a sharps disposal container. Sunday evening I put together the pen, dialed up up the correct dose, swabbed my stomach to the right of my belly button, and grasped the pen. I was determined to administer the shot myself, but as I stared at the needles my resolve wavered. I changed my grip, steeling myself. And I couldn't do it! I walked into the living room, handed the pen to Donny, and had him give the injection. Then, because I'd worked myself up, I burst into tears.
I didn't try again. Donny gave me the shot every night: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Then Friday morning I went in for a follow-up ultrasound. Karen said I'd responded beautifully to the injections. I watched as she measured the follicles on the ultrasound screen, placing little plus-shaped cursors at the top, bottom, and sides of the follicles. She said they want the follicles to measure 1.6 centimeters and mine ranged from 1.2 - 1.4 cm. Karen said one more follistim injection should put them at exactly the right size. She didn't tell me how many follicles she saw, but I counted six as she measured. She instructed that we do a follistim shot Friday night, the trigger shot of Pregnyl on Saturday night. Our sixth IUI was scheduled for Monday. Only two more shots! The end was in sight! The trigger shot was the worst of the set. There was so much more medicine in that dose, Donny had to go more slowly. I ended up with a big bruise from that one, nasty red and purple.
This morning we went in for the IUI. Those have become old hat by now. I know exactly what to expect. This time, I was surprised by the discomfort level. I guess things in there are more inflamed then I realized. Things that are normally mildly uncomfortable hurt. The speculum made me have to controlled breathe and mentally coach myself through. I have to admit I teared up once Karen was out of the room. Donny grabbed my hand and prayed as I lay there on the table. He is my coach, my nurse, my cheerleader, my leader, and my love. I can't imagine doing this without him.
I want to be positive about this cycle, but I'm having trouble. Five previous negatives make it hard to get excited. Donny is the one who is staying positive for both of us. It does help that I was able to actually see the follicles. The last cycles we had blood work and ovulation test kit results that said I was ovulating, now I know I am. Now we pray and wait.
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Adversity in All Forms
So much has happened friends...SO much. I have waited to blog the past couple of weeks because I didn't really know how to share the events without upsetting dear friends. As I waited, even more occurred! Originally, I was playing with a three point, alliterated sermon-style post - Prophecy, Prayer, and Praise. I know... you're impressed :). The more I rolled that around my mind, the more ridiculous it sounded. Donny and I have encountered tests of spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical natures the past couple of weeks. Through every single test, we have grown and God has proved himself faithful. Are you ready for the whole kit-n-caboodle? Here it goes.
Three weekends ago, Donny and I were blessed to host in our home one of his childhood best friends and his spouse. I was braced a little for the weekend, because this wonderful couple is expecting their first child next year. Those of you who have been following my journey from the beginning know how tough it is to be happy for another expectant couple without feeling the pain of your own empty arms. Saturday went beautifully. We had a great time doing "tourist-y" things around Birmingham. It really is fun to play tourist in your own town. Then we came home in time to watch Mississippi State stomp Auburn (ouch, War Eagle anyway). Donny was over the moon. He LOVES his bulldogs :) Sunday also seemed to be going smoothly, beautifully even. The sweet wife prayed over me tearfully, holding me up to the Lord. Praying that Donny and I be blessed with a child. It was truly touching. I teared up.
And then...isn't if funny how quickly things shift... and then, Sunday evening as we sat around in the living room chatting childhood friend began to ask about whether we believed God could heal Donny and allow us to have kids. I braced myself for the completely well-intentioned advice I knew we were about to receive. Donny answered for us, cutting his eyes over at me to assess how I was handling the turn the conversation had taken, "of course we believe that God could heal him if He wanted to." Then over the course of several minutes, this friend told us that God had revealed to him that Donny and I would have a biological child that was not the result of donor sperm and IUI. THAT I was NOT expecting to hear. I thought it would be the typical "just relax, it will happen when you least expect it" advice that makes me want to claw out eyeballs, but just gets a gracious smile and nod. I'm a steel magnolia. Every southern girl knows the smile-and-nod routine.
I could feel the blood rushing into my face, tears fought to pour from my eyes. I have never in my life felt to incredibly torn between my gut reaction and my faith. I wanted to scream at him, "How dare you! Do you have any idea the pain you have just inflicted! Don't pretend you understand! You are expecting a baby!" The other side of me was in pain too, but completely different. "Are we out of God's will? Did we spend ALL that money on sperm, IUIs, doctor consultations, and HSG for nothing? I can't say God did not tell him that!" Childhood friend turned to me and asked if I believed (at least, I think that's what he asked, the world was swimming before my eyes). I leaped out of my seat, simultaneously starting to sob. I said something to the tune of "I'm sorry, I can't listen to this" and ran out to the barn.
An obliging pile of lumber provided a seat, I pulled my knees to my chest, and sobbed. Loud, uncontrolled, gasping, heaving sobs. If the neighbor had been in her backyard she would have thought someone died. A little while Donny found me, I was still sobbing. I told him he'd have to see our guests off because I couldn't go back inside.
I struggled with the prophecy for the next couple of days. I cried a lot. I sought God. My sister came over and prayed with me. Mom prayed with me over the phone several times. Donny prayed with me. I sought advice from other believers that I trust. I was broken by the thought that I could be out of God's will. If I went ahead in November with the ultrasound monitoring and injections, was that rebelling against God's plan? I knew that the friend really, truly believed he had a word from God that had to be shared.
Monday evening was the breakthrough. I had just cried again and Donny had prayed over me. I had prayed. I sat on the couch trying to calm my breathing and get rid of the runny nose and mascara raccoon eyes when God stepped in.
"Do you really think I'm that weak?"
"Weak Lord?"
"Do you really think I'm so weak that something you do, or don't do, will mess up my plan?"
Wow! What relief! What freedom! I could feel the oppressive weight I'd been struggling under lift off my shoulders. So what did I do? I'm a girl. What do you think? CRIED! Again! But this time in gratitude to a Lord who is not cruel. Who does not play hide-and-seek with his children who are truly seeking His will. We have sought his will in every single step of this journey. He is not hiding it from us and he has not shut doors. We just have to trust and keep walking until a door closes and he opens the next route.
God gave me a week to marinate on that new learning. To praise him for his strength and wisdom and enjoy the freedom from doubt. Then the new tests came. Let's just say that teaching is not the cute profession that it is portrayed as on movies, television, and in books. The hours are long. It is exhausting in every possible way. I had a week of testing that required me to again lean heavily on the Lord. He again proved himself faithful. I was tired and looking forward to a weekend to physically, mentally, and emotionally recuperate. My wise sister told me something the Lord has been teaching her this year. If you don't have adversity, then you don't have an adversary. If you don't have an adversary (as a Christian) you are doing something wrong. You are attacked when you are being effective for God's kingdom! That's when Satan finds you to be a threat and throws his darts your way. The previous Sunday I'd taught about the Armor of God in children's church, another example of God's perfect timing. I was outfitted with the equipment I needed to extinguish those flaming darts. Then, just to see if I was paying attention, another test reared its head!
Donny got up early on Saturday, around 6:30. I was determined to sleep. I asked if he was OK. He said yes, he was just awake. So I snuggled deeper under my pile of blankets and shut my eyes. Around 7ish he turned on the TV in the living room - a bit more loudly than usual. He is very considerate when I need to sleep late, often turning the volume all the way down. I got up, stumbled in the living room and again asked if he was OK. He said he was so I asked him to turn down the volume and went back to bed. Around 8:05 I woke up to the sound of his cell phone alarm. He has alarms set at remind him to test his blood glucose level. I ignored it. It kept going off. I waited and listened. The beeping continued.
I got out of bed and came into the living room to find Donny in his recliner, staring at the ceiling, soaked in sweat, and completely unresponsive. He had a plate of almost untouched food sitting on his stomach. He'd crashed so quickly that he wasn't even eating. His pump was still connected, so I took it off then ran into the kitchen and dashed back with his tabs. Even when he's unresponsive, he'll instinctively chew the glucose tabs. I fed him five, pausing between each one, hoping they'd take effect. Then he began to seize. I was praying aloud, holding his shoulders, crying. The glucagon rescue shot was in the medicine cabinet. I snatched it off the top shelf. As I attempted to mix the liquid from the syringe with the powder in the vial, I bent the needle. In case you don't know, those vials have metal tops! I was able to straighten it back out and draw up the dose. Then came the worst part. I'd never had to give Donny a shot before. When I swabbed his thigh, the cold of the swab made him seize harder. I sobbed and apologized aloud as I pushed that long needle in. The seizures didn't ease up. I grabbed Donny's phone and dialed 911.
In what felt like forever, but was really only a couple of minutes, a team of three paramedics from the nearby fire station arrived along with three ambulance personnel. Donny continued to shake and his breathing was ragged. They quickly got an IV drip going. When they tested his blood glucose, I had come back to 67. I hadn't even tested before. Most likely a number wouldn't have even registered when I found him. Most monitors eventually stop showing a number and just say "low" or "high" if it is out of range. After a few minutes on the drip, Donny winked at me. He doesn't even remember doing it, but that was when I knew he was going to be OK. A few minutes after that, he was able to tell the clipboard paramedic his social security number. Whew. The worst was over.
The medics wanted to take Donny to the hospital in the ambulance, but since we knew exactly the cause of his seizures - extremely low blood sugar - we opted to call his endocrinologist from home. Of course, when the six medical personnel vacated my living room, I fell to bits! Even steel magnolias have a breaking point! By 11:00 you would have had no idea that anything had happened. Donny was completely back to himself. I took a little longer to recover. My sweet sister had been visiting my parents in Opelika and delivered Chuck's Barbecue from home for dinner. She is exactly right, it IS comfort food and no one else does barbecue like Mr. Chuck! His Brunswick stew is thick, warm, and PERFECT!
So, that's my past couple of weeks, trial by fire. These periods of pain, prayer, and brokenness have taught me more than I could possibly learn in the easy times that go just according to plan. My God is faithful. He does not ignore his children when they cry out in pain, fear, or frustration. He loves. He comforts, He protects. Praise the Lord! I can say, with complete confidence, that I am thankful for the past two weeks. I have seen God spare my husband's life by waking me up at exactly the right time. I have seen him mend my broken heart and strengthen me with the promise that He will not hide his will from me. I cannot mess up his plan in my weak bumbling. So I take a deep breath say, "Lord, whatever's next, I'm hanging on for dear life. Let's go! Onward and upward!."
Three weekends ago, Donny and I were blessed to host in our home one of his childhood best friends and his spouse. I was braced a little for the weekend, because this wonderful couple is expecting their first child next year. Those of you who have been following my journey from the beginning know how tough it is to be happy for another expectant couple without feeling the pain of your own empty arms. Saturday went beautifully. We had a great time doing "tourist-y" things around Birmingham. It really is fun to play tourist in your own town. Then we came home in time to watch Mississippi State stomp Auburn (ouch, War Eagle anyway). Donny was over the moon. He LOVES his bulldogs :) Sunday also seemed to be going smoothly, beautifully even. The sweet wife prayed over me tearfully, holding me up to the Lord. Praying that Donny and I be blessed with a child. It was truly touching. I teared up.
And then...isn't if funny how quickly things shift... and then, Sunday evening as we sat around in the living room chatting childhood friend began to ask about whether we believed God could heal Donny and allow us to have kids. I braced myself for the completely well-intentioned advice I knew we were about to receive. Donny answered for us, cutting his eyes over at me to assess how I was handling the turn the conversation had taken, "of course we believe that God could heal him if He wanted to." Then over the course of several minutes, this friend told us that God had revealed to him that Donny and I would have a biological child that was not the result of donor sperm and IUI. THAT I was NOT expecting to hear. I thought it would be the typical "just relax, it will happen when you least expect it" advice that makes me want to claw out eyeballs, but just gets a gracious smile and nod. I'm a steel magnolia. Every southern girl knows the smile-and-nod routine.
I could feel the blood rushing into my face, tears fought to pour from my eyes. I have never in my life felt to incredibly torn between my gut reaction and my faith. I wanted to scream at him, "How dare you! Do you have any idea the pain you have just inflicted! Don't pretend you understand! You are expecting a baby!" The other side of me was in pain too, but completely different. "Are we out of God's will? Did we spend ALL that money on sperm, IUIs, doctor consultations, and HSG for nothing? I can't say God did not tell him that!" Childhood friend turned to me and asked if I believed (at least, I think that's what he asked, the world was swimming before my eyes). I leaped out of my seat, simultaneously starting to sob. I said something to the tune of "I'm sorry, I can't listen to this" and ran out to the barn.
An obliging pile of lumber provided a seat, I pulled my knees to my chest, and sobbed. Loud, uncontrolled, gasping, heaving sobs. If the neighbor had been in her backyard she would have thought someone died. A little while Donny found me, I was still sobbing. I told him he'd have to see our guests off because I couldn't go back inside.
I struggled with the prophecy for the next couple of days. I cried a lot. I sought God. My sister came over and prayed with me. Mom prayed with me over the phone several times. Donny prayed with me. I sought advice from other believers that I trust. I was broken by the thought that I could be out of God's will. If I went ahead in November with the ultrasound monitoring and injections, was that rebelling against God's plan? I knew that the friend really, truly believed he had a word from God that had to be shared.
Monday evening was the breakthrough. I had just cried again and Donny had prayed over me. I had prayed. I sat on the couch trying to calm my breathing and get rid of the runny nose and mascara raccoon eyes when God stepped in.
"Do you really think I'm that weak?"
"Weak Lord?"
"Do you really think I'm so weak that something you do, or don't do, will mess up my plan?"
Wow! What relief! What freedom! I could feel the oppressive weight I'd been struggling under lift off my shoulders. So what did I do? I'm a girl. What do you think? CRIED! Again! But this time in gratitude to a Lord who is not cruel. Who does not play hide-and-seek with his children who are truly seeking His will. We have sought his will in every single step of this journey. He is not hiding it from us and he has not shut doors. We just have to trust and keep walking until a door closes and he opens the next route.
God gave me a week to marinate on that new learning. To praise him for his strength and wisdom and enjoy the freedom from doubt. Then the new tests came. Let's just say that teaching is not the cute profession that it is portrayed as on movies, television, and in books. The hours are long. It is exhausting in every possible way. I had a week of testing that required me to again lean heavily on the Lord. He again proved himself faithful. I was tired and looking forward to a weekend to physically, mentally, and emotionally recuperate. My wise sister told me something the Lord has been teaching her this year. If you don't have adversity, then you don't have an adversary. If you don't have an adversary (as a Christian) you are doing something wrong. You are attacked when you are being effective for God's kingdom! That's when Satan finds you to be a threat and throws his darts your way. The previous Sunday I'd taught about the Armor of God in children's church, another example of God's perfect timing. I was outfitted with the equipment I needed to extinguish those flaming darts. Then, just to see if I was paying attention, another test reared its head!
Donny got up early on Saturday, around 6:30. I was determined to sleep. I asked if he was OK. He said yes, he was just awake. So I snuggled deeper under my pile of blankets and shut my eyes. Around 7ish he turned on the TV in the living room - a bit more loudly than usual. He is very considerate when I need to sleep late, often turning the volume all the way down. I got up, stumbled in the living room and again asked if he was OK. He said he was so I asked him to turn down the volume and went back to bed. Around 8:05 I woke up to the sound of his cell phone alarm. He has alarms set at remind him to test his blood glucose level. I ignored it. It kept going off. I waited and listened. The beeping continued.
I got out of bed and came into the living room to find Donny in his recliner, staring at the ceiling, soaked in sweat, and completely unresponsive. He had a plate of almost untouched food sitting on his stomach. He'd crashed so quickly that he wasn't even eating. His pump was still connected, so I took it off then ran into the kitchen and dashed back with his tabs. Even when he's unresponsive, he'll instinctively chew the glucose tabs. I fed him five, pausing between each one, hoping they'd take effect. Then he began to seize. I was praying aloud, holding his shoulders, crying. The glucagon rescue shot was in the medicine cabinet. I snatched it off the top shelf. As I attempted to mix the liquid from the syringe with the powder in the vial, I bent the needle. In case you don't know, those vials have metal tops! I was able to straighten it back out and draw up the dose. Then came the worst part. I'd never had to give Donny a shot before. When I swabbed his thigh, the cold of the swab made him seize harder. I sobbed and apologized aloud as I pushed that long needle in. The seizures didn't ease up. I grabbed Donny's phone and dialed 911.
In what felt like forever, but was really only a couple of minutes, a team of three paramedics from the nearby fire station arrived along with three ambulance personnel. Donny continued to shake and his breathing was ragged. They quickly got an IV drip going. When they tested his blood glucose, I had come back to 67. I hadn't even tested before. Most likely a number wouldn't have even registered when I found him. Most monitors eventually stop showing a number and just say "low" or "high" if it is out of range. After a few minutes on the drip, Donny winked at me. He doesn't even remember doing it, but that was when I knew he was going to be OK. A few minutes after that, he was able to tell the clipboard paramedic his social security number. Whew. The worst was over.
The medics wanted to take Donny to the hospital in the ambulance, but since we knew exactly the cause of his seizures - extremely low blood sugar - we opted to call his endocrinologist from home. Of course, when the six medical personnel vacated my living room, I fell to bits! Even steel magnolias have a breaking point! By 11:00 you would have had no idea that anything had happened. Donny was completely back to himself. I took a little longer to recover. My sweet sister had been visiting my parents in Opelika and delivered Chuck's Barbecue from home for dinner. She is exactly right, it IS comfort food and no one else does barbecue like Mr. Chuck! His Brunswick stew is thick, warm, and PERFECT!
So, that's my past couple of weeks, trial by fire. These periods of pain, prayer, and brokenness have taught me more than I could possibly learn in the easy times that go just according to plan. My God is faithful. He does not ignore his children when they cry out in pain, fear, or frustration. He loves. He comforts, He protects. Praise the Lord! I can say, with complete confidence, that I am thankful for the past two weeks. I have seen God spare my husband's life by waking me up at exactly the right time. I have seen him mend my broken heart and strengthen me with the promise that He will not hide his will from me. I cannot mess up his plan in my weak bumbling. So I take a deep breath say, "Lord, whatever's next, I'm hanging on for dear life. Let's go! Onward and upward!."
Monday, September 29, 2014
Broken
I am going out on a limb here. It very well may break and I'll fall flat on my "tabumpty", as my mom would say, but here it goes. I'm struggling with anger. Anger at God for this whole infertility mess. I've been patient. I've persevered. I've praised in the middle of the valley. I've prayed for a child, for this IUI to work. And what is the result? Another big fat negative. I was so sure this was the one. This was our last attempt on Clomid before moving to more aggressive treatment.
We went for our follow up today instead of just doing a home test because of the Clomid side effects this month. I can't do another month of Clomid. After letting Dr. Steinkampf know that we are down to our last three IUIs for the life of our insurance policy and the Clomid was making me sick, he decided to change my treatment. I will take a month off to let the Clomid mostly clear my system then I'll have ultrasound monitoring and daily injections of Bravelle until my follicles look mature. Then I'll give a shot to trigger ovulation and go in for an IUI 36 hours later. Sound scary? Yep, to me too.
I was hoping against hope that this IUI worked and I could avoid this intense regimen, but it didn't. I'll have to miss a lot more half days of school to go in for ultrasound monitoring. When I got the call, "I'm sorry Mrs. Mott, your test was negative," and the news began to sank in I got angry. I feel broken. God made the human reproductive system for crying out loud. Every test so far has been clear. Everyone who has done an IUI on me has said I have a "perfect cervix". I ended up sobbing out my anger against Donny's chest. He tried to point me to scripture and remind me God had a plan. I couldn't listen. I was furious.
Nothing Donny said was getting through and I could feel my guts twisting into knots. Finally I decided to go for a walk, a long angry, stompy walk. I walked to the park and started around the track. If I'd been in the middle of nowhere I would have ugly-cried the whole way, but I was sharing Leeds Memorial Park with several joggers and strolling seniors. I argued with God, or more like fussed at God as I sped around the track. I threw every reason at him why I should be pregnant after this attempt, wrapping up my brilliant tirade with, "why not now God? Why?"
"It isn't time."
The angry child pounding her fists on the chest of her King turned into a weeping, exhausted woman in the arms of her forgiving, understanding, loving Lord. I sat down on a rock outcropping and continued to cry out. The anger didn't vanish by any means, but I had permission to talk it out. God understands. He allows us to hide in him and cry out our anger, frustration, and broken dreams. I'm still far from ok, I'm broken. But God understands. He has a plan. This was not the time.
We went for our follow up today instead of just doing a home test because of the Clomid side effects this month. I can't do another month of Clomid. After letting Dr. Steinkampf know that we are down to our last three IUIs for the life of our insurance policy and the Clomid was making me sick, he decided to change my treatment. I will take a month off to let the Clomid mostly clear my system then I'll have ultrasound monitoring and daily injections of Bravelle until my follicles look mature. Then I'll give a shot to trigger ovulation and go in for an IUI 36 hours later. Sound scary? Yep, to me too.
I was hoping against hope that this IUI worked and I could avoid this intense regimen, but it didn't. I'll have to miss a lot more half days of school to go in for ultrasound monitoring. When I got the call, "I'm sorry Mrs. Mott, your test was negative," and the news began to sank in I got angry. I feel broken. God made the human reproductive system for crying out loud. Every test so far has been clear. Everyone who has done an IUI on me has said I have a "perfect cervix". I ended up sobbing out my anger against Donny's chest. He tried to point me to scripture and remind me God had a plan. I couldn't listen. I was furious.
Nothing Donny said was getting through and I could feel my guts twisting into knots. Finally I decided to go for a walk, a long angry, stompy walk. I walked to the park and started around the track. If I'd been in the middle of nowhere I would have ugly-cried the whole way, but I was sharing Leeds Memorial Park with several joggers and strolling seniors. I argued with God, or more like fussed at God as I sped around the track. I threw every reason at him why I should be pregnant after this attempt, wrapping up my brilliant tirade with, "why not now God? Why?"
"It isn't time."
The angry child pounding her fists on the chest of her King turned into a weeping, exhausted woman in the arms of her forgiving, understanding, loving Lord. I sat down on a rock outcropping and continued to cry out. The anger didn't vanish by any means, but I had permission to talk it out. God understands. He allows us to hide in him and cry out our anger, frustration, and broken dreams. I'm still far from ok, I'm broken. But God understands. He has a plan. This was not the time.
Monday, September 15, 2014
Fifth attempt
This morning I had my fifth IUI. It's strange, I'm not excited this time. Instead of thinking about a maybe baby, I am spending more time thinking about the next cycle. I think when I finally do get pregnant I'll just be shocked. I feel like I'm just stuck in a pattern of trying to get pregnant.
Clomid has decided not to be my friend this month. In fact, it's been downright nasty! My period cramps were worse and lasted longer. I had bouts of nausea, one time so day I thought I was going to throw up in front of my classroom! Last night I was really dizzy and today my lower abdomen has been achy. That wasn't terribly helpful today with the IUI. Normally I cramp a little, but the achy-ness has made it more uncomfortable this afternoon. Added to that is the crazy emotional swings. I get stressed - really stressed- easily. I want to cry at the drop of a hat. I'm so sick of it!
I spoke with Karen about it when she did my IUI and she said there are other meds we can try, possibly even injections. We'll go back in in two weeks and talk with Dr. Steinkampf about our options. We are approved for 2-3 more IUIs, but our insurance will only cover 3 more IUIs. We have some major decisions coming up.
I have found a support group on Facebook this past week for women and their families who are trying to conceive through IUI. It has been wonderful to find a community of 900+ women who are all on the same crazy roller coaster ride. Now my Facebook feed is not just endless baby pics and pregnancy announcements from proud parents. In the mix, I now see posts from girls hopefully beginning new cycles, dealing with heartbreaking disappointment from failed cycles, and occasionally sharing a BFP to give the rest of us hope. I have never been alone in this process thanks to my God, my wonderful Donny, and my family. Now I have an entire army of fellow combatants in the infertility battle.
Thanks to all of you who have been keeping up with me through this mess. Your calls, letters, facebook messages, emails, and words of encouragement have meant the world to me. Please keep the prayers coming! I am so thankful for each of you prayer warriors!
Clomid has decided not to be my friend this month. In fact, it's been downright nasty! My period cramps were worse and lasted longer. I had bouts of nausea, one time so day I thought I was going to throw up in front of my classroom! Last night I was really dizzy and today my lower abdomen has been achy. That wasn't terribly helpful today with the IUI. Normally I cramp a little, but the achy-ness has made it more uncomfortable this afternoon. Added to that is the crazy emotional swings. I get stressed - really stressed- easily. I want to cry at the drop of a hat. I'm so sick of it!
I spoke with Karen about it when she did my IUI and she said there are other meds we can try, possibly even injections. We'll go back in in two weeks and talk with Dr. Steinkampf about our options. We are approved for 2-3 more IUIs, but our insurance will only cover 3 more IUIs. We have some major decisions coming up.
I have found a support group on Facebook this past week for women and their families who are trying to conceive through IUI. It has been wonderful to find a community of 900+ women who are all on the same crazy roller coaster ride. Now my Facebook feed is not just endless baby pics and pregnancy announcements from proud parents. In the mix, I now see posts from girls hopefully beginning new cycles, dealing with heartbreaking disappointment from failed cycles, and occasionally sharing a BFP to give the rest of us hope. I have never been alone in this process thanks to my God, my wonderful Donny, and my family. Now I have an entire army of fellow combatants in the infertility battle.
Thanks to all of you who have been keeping up with me through this mess. Your calls, letters, facebook messages, emails, and words of encouragement have meant the world to me. Please keep the prayers coming! I am so thankful for each of you prayer warriors!
Monday, September 1, 2014
Unwelcome Visit
Not matter how much I make it clear she is not welcome, she comes anyway! I beg. I threaten. I plead and still she arrives - Aunt Flo. This time she decided to be cruel and arrive a couple of days late, day 32 instead of day 30. I knew she was on her way. Two negative tests don't lie, but it still gives you a tiny ray of hope when the icky monthly visit is delayed.
So we're back to square one. New sperm ordered and Clomid refill called in. We decided to swap donors since the last three IUIs were all with the same donor. On a better note, our original donor had vials available and is listed as having successful pregnancies.
The biggest difference this time is my reaction to the failed IUI. I am incredibly disappointed, but I am just sick of having a meltdown when I get the bad news. I don't like the person I become, curled up in a ball sobbing my eyes out. I have shed a few tears, but only a few. I have to find another way to handle the negative tests. I don't know how else to handle it.
A fourth failed IUI is really starting to make me question if I am capable of getting pregnant. I know the medical tests say otherwise. HSG said I am wide open and clean. Blood work says that I have plenty of remaining eggs and my progesterone levels are good. I know in my head that I could still get pregnant in the next 2 - 3 attempts, but my heart is seriously beginning to doubt.
How many times should we try? When do we move to adoption? How often can I ask my parents and in-laws to financially help with our quest to become parents? There are a lot more questions than answers right now. My comfort is my God! I may not have the answers or know the plan, but God does. I do wish he'd give me a peek. I know there is a reason that it is taking so many disappointments. Nothing is coincidence, but is controlled my loving, holy, and wise God. One day I'll look back and be amazed. For now, I am hanging on and trusting in His plan.
So we're back to square one. New sperm ordered and Clomid refill called in. We decided to swap donors since the last three IUIs were all with the same donor. On a better note, our original donor had vials available and is listed as having successful pregnancies.
The biggest difference this time is my reaction to the failed IUI. I am incredibly disappointed, but I am just sick of having a meltdown when I get the bad news. I don't like the person I become, curled up in a ball sobbing my eyes out. I have shed a few tears, but only a few. I have to find another way to handle the negative tests. I don't know how else to handle it.
A fourth failed IUI is really starting to make me question if I am capable of getting pregnant. I know the medical tests say otherwise. HSG said I am wide open and clean. Blood work says that I have plenty of remaining eggs and my progesterone levels are good. I know in my head that I could still get pregnant in the next 2 - 3 attempts, but my heart is seriously beginning to doubt.
How many times should we try? When do we move to adoption? How often can I ask my parents and in-laws to financially help with our quest to become parents? There are a lot more questions than answers right now. My comfort is my God! I may not have the answers or know the plan, but God does. I do wish he'd give me a peek. I know there is a reason that it is taking so many disappointments. Nothing is coincidence, but is controlled my loving, holy, and wise God. One day I'll look back and be amazed. For now, I am hanging on and trusting in His plan.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
4th verse, same as the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd
Whew, being back in school has kept me incredibly busy the past couple of weeks. I haven't had time to update all of you on our on going journey to parenthood. I had my fourth IUI on Sunday the 17th. Because it was a Sunday I saw the on-call doctor who happened to be Dr. Malizia. My cycle was actually synced to the month, that made it the 17th day of my cycle and the latest I've ovulated so far. I was nervous about that, but when I asked Dr. Malizia about it she was not concerned. The procedure went perfectly and we were out the door in about 40 minutes. Now everyone in the office that is qualified to get me pregnant has tried.
When I called Tuesday to make my follow up appointment I was told that since Dr. Steinkampf has approved me for three more IUI procedures and has been happy with my past levels, I won't need to come in two weeks after my IUIs anymore. I will have blood drawn for a progesterone level on Monday and then do a home pregnancy test on Sunday the 31st. After that I'll either wait for my next IUI or go in for pregnancy blood work.
I have to admit, being back in school makes the two-week-wait much easier. The most I thought about it this week was related to the requisite back-to-school germs! Yep, I have already had my first nasy cold if the year. "Darn, I can't take anything for this cold because I might be pregnant," was the closest I got to thinking about a maybe baby. Yesterday, I did find myself going to one of my favorite pregnancy websites, www.countdowntopregnancy.com. They have neat tools to calculate due dates and other important dates in a pregnancy. Hey, I can dream! It is a good thing that the work week will not give me any extra time to think about a maybe baby.
Hopefully next Sunday I will have happy news to report - a BFP (big fat positive)!
When I called Tuesday to make my follow up appointment I was told that since Dr. Steinkampf has approved me for three more IUI procedures and has been happy with my past levels, I won't need to come in two weeks after my IUIs anymore. I will have blood drawn for a progesterone level on Monday and then do a home pregnancy test on Sunday the 31st. After that I'll either wait for my next IUI or go in for pregnancy blood work.
I have to admit, being back in school makes the two-week-wait much easier. The most I thought about it this week was related to the requisite back-to-school germs! Yep, I have already had my first nasy cold if the year. "Darn, I can't take anything for this cold because I might be pregnant," was the closest I got to thinking about a maybe baby. Yesterday, I did find myself going to one of my favorite pregnancy websites, www.countdowntopregnancy.com. They have neat tools to calculate due dates and other important dates in a pregnancy. Hey, I can dream! It is a good thing that the work week will not give me any extra time to think about a maybe baby.
Hopefully next Sunday I will have happy news to report - a BFP (big fat positive)!
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