Infertility, a common thread

This experience of infertility is a scary, emotional roller coaster. It can seem like you and you husband are the only ones in the world dealing with the peaks of hope and valleys of sadness. Going in a baby store, seeing a pregnant mommy waddle by, or hearing of a friend's joyful news is enough to send the strongest woman into tears. What we forget is that those ladies have a story as well, and it may not be so different from our own. One of the blogs I frequent for encouragement during this journey is The Stirrup Queens. As I was browsing I came across an old conversation about this very issue. Those of us dealing with infertility need a way to letting others in our situation know. So this is what they came up with (direct quote from The Stirrup Queens).

Pomegranates, a longstanding symbol of fertility, serve as a strong analogy to those suffering through infertility. Though each pomegranate skin is unique in colour and texture, the seeds inside are remarkably similar from fruit to fruit. Though our diagnosis is unique—endometriosis, low sperm count, luteal phase defect, or causes unknown—the emotions, those seeds on the inside, are the same from person to person. Infertility creates frustration, anger, depression, guilt, and loneliness. Compounding these emotions is the shame that drives people suffering from infertility to retreat into silence.

In addition, the seeds represent the multitude of ways one can build their family: natural conception, treatments, adoption, third-party reproduction, or even choosing to live child-free.
The pomegranate thread holds a two-fold purpose: to identify and create community between those experiencing infertility as well as create a starting point for a conversation. Women pregnant through A.R.T., families created through adoption, or couples trying to conceive during infertility can wear the thread, identifying themselves to others in this silent community. At the same time, the string serves as a gateway to conversations about infertility when people inquire about its purpose. These conversations are imperative if we are ever to remove the social stigma attached to infertility.Tie on the thread because you’re not alone. Wear to make aware.

Join us in starting this conversation about infertility by purchasing this pomegranate-coloured thread (#814 by DMC) at any craft, knitting, or variety store such as Walmart or Target. Tie it on your right wrist. Notice it on others.

So I just went by Wal-Mart this morning and bought my #814 floss! I want to not only encourage people in my shoes on my blog, but with my actions! I am still in the limbo of my two-week-wait so I won't know for a while yet if I am pregnant or not, but I plan to make my bracelet this afternoon and wear it proudly. One day I hope to waddle around with a big-ole belly and my bracelet on my wrist. Not a painful reminder to an infertile family, but instead a symbol of hope.

Third Time's the ?

Well, I have now made three tries at composing this post! I used to frequent the blogs of other women struggling with infertility and shake my head at the negative tone and irritability I found. Now I understand! Without the assurance that God has a plan for a hope and future (Jeremiah 29:11), I would be a negative, bitter person too. 

Today I had my third IUI. I should be excited and hopeful again, but I have to admit I am strangely low. It hurts so much when I get my hopes up only to have them crushed. Maybe the third time WILL be the charm. I certainly would love that since school is about to get rolling again. I really wanted to get most of my first trimester out of the way while I could be off my feet and rest. 

Our appointment this morning took a little longer than the previous appointments because they were short staffed and the waiting room had a steady stream of patients in and out. Karen and Dr. Steinkampf were the ones running the lab. As Karen put it, "I've gotten a promotion to lab tech and Dr. Steinkampf is on sperm duty!" Karen did a good job drawing the blood, but said I was a bit stingy with my blood. I've got little-bitty veins. Then it was back to the waiting room and more waiting. It was interesting watching the patients come and go. Some sat side-by-side with a supportive husband. Others came in and out quickly by themselves, obviously taking an hour off work and in a hurry to get back. I couldn't help but wonder what each of their stories were and how they were handling the ups and downs of attempting to conceive a child. I am immeasurable blessed to have Donny by my side! He is my hero and I can't imagine doing this without him.

When we were finally called back, it was to one of the smaller side rooms because the others were full. Dr. Steinkampf did the insemination this time, very quickly and professionally. I have to admit I missed Karen's bubbly, positive demeanor. Dr. Steinkampf is kind, but business-like. Donny was not brought around to "send in the clowns" this time. "If you do not get pregnant this time, I want to have an x-Ray dye test done to check for any blockage," Dr. Steinkampf informed me. Instead of thinking, "this time it will work. I won't need it." I found myself mentally accepting that I would have to do the test.

Then, when we went to check out and make our two-week follow-up appointment, we were informed that there were no available appointments in the last week of July. I would have to come the first week in August. School starts the first week in August. Also, that turns my two-week wait into a three week wait! I tried to explain that school was starting, but I just got a blank stare. I finally settled on the 6th since the 4th is our first teacher day back and the 5th I have professional development until 3:00. The latest appointment they have each day is 3:20. The 7th is the first day of school and there was no way I could leave early that day or the 8th. Grrrrrr.

I guess my wait is really only extended a day or two because, if I am not pregnant, I'll just start my period. That's always how it works - Doctor's appointment, negative test, then the next day Aunt Flo. So I will know by my appointment because I will have either missed my period or finished it! I think that I'll be using home pregnancy tests on the 29th, 30th, and 31st. 

Thank goodness for my wonderful, supportive friends! This past failed cycle was rough, but I was surrounded by an outpouring of support. I was covered in prayers. A friend from college who has been through the same valley and is now the mother of the most adorable, beautiful, adopted daughter wrote me a long letter of encouragement. Another wrote text messages back and forth with me when I didn't want to get out of bed to give me hope. She has also been in my position and is mommy of a daughter and son. A card arrived by mail from a third friend, covered on every square inch with love and empathy, reliving her own battle with infertility. She has a daughter and son as well, both of whom I was honored to teach. I have a huge circle of friends that have covered me in prayers, hugs, and support.

Thank you to each and every one of you! Without my Great God and all of you I would not be able to  face this incredible and challenging journey.