Whew, being back in school has kept me incredibly busy the past couple of weeks. I haven't had time to update all of you on our on going journey to parenthood. I had my fourth IUI on Sunday the 17th. Because it was a Sunday I saw the on-call doctor who happened to be Dr. Malizia. My cycle was actually synced to the month, that made it the 17th day of my cycle and the latest I've ovulated so far. I was nervous about that, but when I asked Dr. Malizia about it she was not concerned. The procedure went perfectly and we were out the door in about 40 minutes. Now everyone in the office that is qualified to get me pregnant has tried.
When I called Tuesday to make my follow up appointment I was told that since Dr. Steinkampf has approved me for three more IUI procedures and has been happy with my past levels, I won't need to come in two weeks after my IUIs anymore. I will have blood drawn for a progesterone level on Monday and then do a home pregnancy test on Sunday the 31st. After that I'll either wait for my next IUI or go in for pregnancy blood work.
I have to admit, being back in school makes the two-week-wait much easier. The most I thought about it this week was related to the requisite back-to-school germs! Yep, I have already had my first nasy cold if the year. "Darn, I can't take anything for this cold because I might be pregnant," was the closest I got to thinking about a maybe baby. Yesterday, I did find myself going to one of my favorite pregnancy websites, www.countdowntopregnancy.com. They have neat tools to calculate due dates and other important dates in a pregnancy. Hey, I can dream! It is a good thing that the work week will not give me any extra time to think about a maybe baby.
Hopefully next Sunday I will have happy news to report - a BFP (big fat positive)!
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Hystero...what?
"Hysterosalpingogram -an x-ray procedure performed to determine whether the fallopian tubes are open and see is the shape of the uterine cavity is normal". To me it just looks like hysteria. Oh boy! Fun! Another chance to perch in a very unflattering position for an awkward "procedure". After the failure of our third IUI Dr. Steinkampf decided that, to be on the safe side, I should have a hysterosalpingogram to be sure that there were no blockages in my fallopian tubes preventing me from ovulating correctly. If that was clear, we would continue the IUIs with clomid as before. If not, we would know and be able to formulate another course of action. Timing of this test is important. It has to be done after a period, but before ovulation. Dr. Stienkampf and his partner perform the tests on Tuesdays and Fridays at Saint Vincent's Hospital or Brookwood Hospital.
There was no way I could miss half of the second day of school, so Tuesday it was. Thankfully my friend Anna Volz was able to sub for me today. Having a wonderful sub to leave with my class did help make it easier to be out. Leaving school in the middle of the day feels like making a jail break. You grab your things and head into the hall, leaving your class busily working in the room. Looking up and down the halls, you make a break for it. Striding out the doors, to your car, and pulling out of the parking lot. All the while part of you expects someone to yell, "Hey! You can't leave now!" I usually start to relax a little and breathe normally when I hit the highway. I know. I'm such an over achieving, rule follower!
I drove up 280 to Donny's office. We left my truck in the parking lot and he drove me in to Saint Vincent's. An HSG does not require sedation, but the pamphlet said I might experience dizziness and I would need to bring someone with me. We didn't know exactly where to go to check in. When the appointment was set for me at Dr. Steinkampf's office I was just told to "go to the outpatient center". It turns out there are two at Saint Vincent's - one in the north tower and one in the hospital. It was a good thing we got there early! We tried the north tower first - second floor. Not the right place. They sent us to the fourth floor. Not the right place either. That receptionist directed us to the main hospital first floor lobby, radiology desk. Close, but still not quite. The radiology desk sent us back to admitting. Thankfully admission was pretty easy. We filled out paperwork, paid co-pays, and got a pager that would notify us when they were ready for me.
We found a couple of comfy chairs and settled in to read and wait. I brought along a very appropriate read, Stacy Bolt's Breeding in Captivity. I only got a few chapters in, but oh my! It is hilarious! I found myself giggling aloud several times sitting in the waiting room. The book is a lady's memoir about her journey through infertility. Her writing is funny and irreverent. The language could be cleaned up in a few spots, but she says exactly what every woman who has/is dealing with infertility is thinking. It was nice to have a distraction. I have to admit I was pretty nervous about the test.
When the pager buzzed I was shown back to a room in radiology by a nurse. Donny and Hawk had to stay in the waiting room. That didn't make me any less nervous. I understand why they wouldn't want extra people in a room where x-rays are being used, but it so comforting just having Donny where I can see him. I donned my lovely hospital gown and sat on the table beneath the x-ray machine to wait. Dr. Steinkampf had another patient scheduled before me so I waited and tried to make small talk with the nurse and another tech who appeared to bring in equipment. They were not terribly talkative and several awkward pauses occupied the waiting time as I watched her open and set up an array of intimidating looking items on the equipment tray.
It was a relief when I finally hear Dr. Steinkampf's cheery voice in the control booth. When he came in the mood did a 180. He kept up a steady stream of friendly conversation as he pulled on the lead apron, drew up the dye and meds, and checked the tools on the tray. I was still nervous, but having him there - calm, friendly, and collected - helped so much. He talked me though the process as he did each step. Reassuring me, warning when something might be uncomfortable. There were even a few times where he would warn me about a step, but do it a little late so I couldn't get worried. "I am going to put a little clamp on your cervix. You may feel a big pinch. Too late, I already did it." The cheerful chatter helped me to relax.
Once the catheter and cannula were in place, I was instructed to scoot back and lay flat. They pulled the table directly below the x-ray and lowed the machine within about 6 inches of my abdomen. A screen was swiveled over to my right side in view of myself and Dr. Steinkampf. Then we added a third guest to the party. A radiologist came in to help look at the images during the test. Once I was in place, Dr. Steinkampf began to push the dye though the catheter, through the cannula, and into my uterus. You could watch the progress of the dye on the screen. Dr. Steinkampf narrated, "First you will see a triangle-shaped space. That is the uterine cavity. Then you'll start to see the tubes. Yep, there they are. Cough a couple times for me. Uh hunh, that looks good. All clear. Both tubes are open and the uterus looks good!"
What a relief to hear! What a relief to get that out of my hoohoo! So now we just keep doing what we've been doing. Clomid and IUIs two or three more times. If I don't get pregnant in the next two or three months we will reassess. Hopefully, prayerfully I will get pregnant this month. I will most likely be back in Dr. Steinkampf's office for my fourth IUI on Thursday or Friday. I am cautiously optimistic but defensively pessimistic. I would love for this to be my final IUI, but I know it might not be. I might have to deal with the pain of another failed try. I have to remember, there is a reason for every trial. A sweet friend sent me the lyrics to one of my favorite praise songs, by Laura Story, after the last IUI that perfectly summarizes this season of my life. You can listen to the full song here.
What if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can't satisfy?
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?
Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/laura-story/blessings-lyrics/#i1YYPTfyusDrbXsw.99
There was no way I could miss half of the second day of school, so Tuesday it was. Thankfully my friend Anna Volz was able to sub for me today. Having a wonderful sub to leave with my class did help make it easier to be out. Leaving school in the middle of the day feels like making a jail break. You grab your things and head into the hall, leaving your class busily working in the room. Looking up and down the halls, you make a break for it. Striding out the doors, to your car, and pulling out of the parking lot. All the while part of you expects someone to yell, "Hey! You can't leave now!" I usually start to relax a little and breathe normally when I hit the highway. I know. I'm such an over achieving, rule follower!
I drove up 280 to Donny's office. We left my truck in the parking lot and he drove me in to Saint Vincent's. An HSG does not require sedation, but the pamphlet said I might experience dizziness and I would need to bring someone with me. We didn't know exactly where to go to check in. When the appointment was set for me at Dr. Steinkampf's office I was just told to "go to the outpatient center". It turns out there are two at Saint Vincent's - one in the north tower and one in the hospital. It was a good thing we got there early! We tried the north tower first - second floor. Not the right place. They sent us to the fourth floor. Not the right place either. That receptionist directed us to the main hospital first floor lobby, radiology desk. Close, but still not quite. The radiology desk sent us back to admitting. Thankfully admission was pretty easy. We filled out paperwork, paid co-pays, and got a pager that would notify us when they were ready for me.
We found a couple of comfy chairs and settled in to read and wait. I brought along a very appropriate read, Stacy Bolt's Breeding in Captivity. I only got a few chapters in, but oh my! It is hilarious! I found myself giggling aloud several times sitting in the waiting room. The book is a lady's memoir about her journey through infertility. Her writing is funny and irreverent. The language could be cleaned up in a few spots, but she says exactly what every woman who has/is dealing with infertility is thinking. It was nice to have a distraction. I have to admit I was pretty nervous about the test.
When the pager buzzed I was shown back to a room in radiology by a nurse. Donny and Hawk had to stay in the waiting room. That didn't make me any less nervous. I understand why they wouldn't want extra people in a room where x-rays are being used, but it so comforting just having Donny where I can see him. I donned my lovely hospital gown and sat on the table beneath the x-ray machine to wait. Dr. Steinkampf had another patient scheduled before me so I waited and tried to make small talk with the nurse and another tech who appeared to bring in equipment. They were not terribly talkative and several awkward pauses occupied the waiting time as I watched her open and set up an array of intimidating looking items on the equipment tray.
It was a relief when I finally hear Dr. Steinkampf's cheery voice in the control booth. When he came in the mood did a 180. He kept up a steady stream of friendly conversation as he pulled on the lead apron, drew up the dye and meds, and checked the tools on the tray. I was still nervous, but having him there - calm, friendly, and collected - helped so much. He talked me though the process as he did each step. Reassuring me, warning when something might be uncomfortable. There were even a few times where he would warn me about a step, but do it a little late so I couldn't get worried. "I am going to put a little clamp on your cervix. You may feel a big pinch. Too late, I already did it." The cheerful chatter helped me to relax.
Once the catheter and cannula were in place, I was instructed to scoot back and lay flat. They pulled the table directly below the x-ray and lowed the machine within about 6 inches of my abdomen. A screen was swiveled over to my right side in view of myself and Dr. Steinkampf. Then we added a third guest to the party. A radiologist came in to help look at the images during the test. Once I was in place, Dr. Steinkampf began to push the dye though the catheter, through the cannula, and into my uterus. You could watch the progress of the dye on the screen. Dr. Steinkampf narrated, "First you will see a triangle-shaped space. That is the uterine cavity. Then you'll start to see the tubes. Yep, there they are. Cough a couple times for me. Uh hunh, that looks good. All clear. Both tubes are open and the uterus looks good!"
What a relief to hear! What a relief to get that out of my hoohoo! So now we just keep doing what we've been doing. Clomid and IUIs two or three more times. If I don't get pregnant in the next two or three months we will reassess. Hopefully, prayerfully I will get pregnant this month. I will most likely be back in Dr. Steinkampf's office for my fourth IUI on Thursday or Friday. I am cautiously optimistic but defensively pessimistic. I would love for this to be my final IUI, but I know it might not be. I might have to deal with the pain of another failed try. I have to remember, there is a reason for every trial. A sweet friend sent me the lyrics to one of my favorite praise songs, by Laura Story, after the last IUI that perfectly summarizes this season of my life. You can listen to the full song here.
What if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears?
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near?
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst
This world can't satisfy?
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise?
Read more at http://www.songlyrics.com/laura-story/blessings-lyrics/#i1YYPTfyusDrbXsw.99
Friday, August 1, 2014
BFN
Well, I wondered which was worse, the two week wait or waiting on your own to see if you start. Well my natural pregnancy test just yielded a BIG FAT NEGATIVE (BFN) after 16 nerve-wracking days of waiting. I can now confidently say that waiting on your own is worse! At least with a follow up doctor's appointment there is a date that will give you unquestionable answer. You get the devastating news and deal with it at one time.
When you are holding your breath and waiting you have multiple blows. I did a pregnancy test on Monday with the only test I had left at the house. It was four months out of date. The results were a clear negative. I had a cry over it, but also told myself that it could be wrong. It was early. The test was old. Maybe it was wrong? I toyed with getting another pack of tests, but it was the end of the month. I needed to wait until payday before I bought anything.
Tuesday I didn't expect any changes so it was fine, but the next few days were a different story. Wednesday night was pretty sleepless. I stared at the ceiling and prayed and over analyzed ever little pinch or pain. Thursday was worse. It was the day of my expected period. I made it through nearly the entire day. I was letting myself hope. Then right before I got in my bath, there it was, nature's negative pregnancy test. I fell apart. I cried in the bath. I cried on the phone with Mom. I cried on Donny in bed.
Thankfully sleep finally came, but in a way sleep is just a way of hiding from the pain. I let myself stay in bed until noon today. I wanted to stay in bed all day, but it won't change the fact that I am not pregnant. I have to get up and deal with the pain. The cramps are just an echo of the mental and emotional pain. I really don't know how many more times I can handle this.
I'll know more about the next steps after my follow-up on the 6th. I know Dr. Steinkampf wants me to do the x-Ray dye test to be sure the I don't have any blockages that could be preventing pregnancy. Everything will be so much more complicated because school starts next week. I only miss a day when I am deathly sick, but that won't be the case this year. I'll be missing for tests and procedures every month. I really hoped I would be pregnant before the school year started.
God is in control. There is a plan. God's plan is better than my plan. It will be worth the pain. It will be worth the tears and loss of sleep. Lord help me deal with this pain.
When you are holding your breath and waiting you have multiple blows. I did a pregnancy test on Monday with the only test I had left at the house. It was four months out of date. The results were a clear negative. I had a cry over it, but also told myself that it could be wrong. It was early. The test was old. Maybe it was wrong? I toyed with getting another pack of tests, but it was the end of the month. I needed to wait until payday before I bought anything.
Tuesday I didn't expect any changes so it was fine, but the next few days were a different story. Wednesday night was pretty sleepless. I stared at the ceiling and prayed and over analyzed ever little pinch or pain. Thursday was worse. It was the day of my expected period. I made it through nearly the entire day. I was letting myself hope. Then right before I got in my bath, there it was, nature's negative pregnancy test. I fell apart. I cried in the bath. I cried on the phone with Mom. I cried on Donny in bed.
Thankfully sleep finally came, but in a way sleep is just a way of hiding from the pain. I let myself stay in bed until noon today. I wanted to stay in bed all day, but it won't change the fact that I am not pregnant. I have to get up and deal with the pain. The cramps are just an echo of the mental and emotional pain. I really don't know how many more times I can handle this.
I'll know more about the next steps after my follow-up on the 6th. I know Dr. Steinkampf wants me to do the x-Ray dye test to be sure the I don't have any blockages that could be preventing pregnancy. Everything will be so much more complicated because school starts next week. I only miss a day when I am deathly sick, but that won't be the case this year. I'll be missing for tests and procedures every month. I really hoped I would be pregnant before the school year started.
God is in control. There is a plan. God's plan is better than my plan. It will be worth the pain. It will be worth the tears and loss of sleep. Lord help me deal with this pain.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)