Even in the Valley

In choir we sing a song that says, "Even in the valley, God is good. Even in the valley, he is faithful and true. He'll carry his children through like He said He would. Even in the valley, God is good." Each time I think I spy the end of this valley, the walls of stone close in again. I need God to carry this child of his for awhile.

We had our follow up appointment for the second IUI attempt today. I felt so good about it. My symptoms seemed to line up with everything I'd read about pregnancy. When I recounted them to Dr. Steinkampf, he nodded and smiled on a pleased manner. He even told the nurse when he took me back for blood work that he thought it very likely I was pregnant. On the way home I held my phone in my lap so I'd be sure to hear the call with my results. About 15 minutes after we got home the phone rang. I snatched it up, expecting good results, but nervous nonetheless to receive the verdict. The blood test was negative.

I've cried some, but I think I am still in shock. I was so sure that it had worked this time. My chest is still sore for crying out loud. My pants are all too tight. No period. Just wait, it will start this evening and that will be it. I'll just be a chunky girl with big boobs who is not pregnant.

We'll try again next cycle just like this one. I 'll take the Clomid on days 2-6 of my cycle and start ovulation testing again on day 10. Please pray with us that it works in July. August will bring school again and stress. That is one thing I have heard again and again - stress is not good for conception. Also, this is not an inexpensive endeavor. One more try will be all we can handle. Of course both my parents and Donny's would help if we asked, but we'd rather not have to ask.

God is going to receive glory in this some how. I am having a hard time seeing the glory in this darkness, but He promised to carry me through. I am safe in his arms and he doesn't mind if I cry.